The Lake
by Notorious P.A.T
Summary: What happens when everything Takato Matsuda ever knew... crumbled around him? What if there was no light? Nothing wrong... nothing right? The truth about life as a teenager who battles with losing everything that MEANS everything to him. Rated a STRONG T.
1. Summer Air

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A/N: So here's my new story- The Lake. I hope you all enjoy it and be sure to read the end author's note for my new end quote as well as info on this new story. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!  
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Summer Air

The breeze swept by and it seemed to me as if this day would never end! I stared at the beautiful old oak tree that stood next to the famous Jenkins' Lake, and breathed in all its wonder. The summer air filled my lungs and I couldn't be happier with where I am. I love the scenery before me and I honestly wonder if this is what perfection is like? Maybe it is, or maybe it isn't? I change direction and stare into the slowly setting sun. It's orange, red, and yellow beauty… just another object in this perfect-

"Takato!" I hear someone yell gaily.

I turn in time to see a girl with fiery red hair hurtling towards me. She falls to the ground and wraps her arms around my waist. She rolls over my legs and buries her bushel of hair into my stomach. I looked down at her nervously. What on earth is going on? "What's the mat-"

"Hide me! Quick!" She says, looking up at me with a laugh and a frantic look on her face… yet a very mischievous smile as well. Immediately though, she buries her head back into my stomach.

I have no idea where I was suppose to hide her but I start to look around for what I'm suppose to hide her **from** and saw it immediately. A tall, lanky boy with blue hair is thundering towards us with a rather large water gun in hand!

I look down at one best friend burrowing into me and then back up at the other one getting ready to soak her and/or me. I looked down again and looked at what she was wearing- a white t-shirt. Hmmm…. if he does soak her, I'll be able to she her- NO! I pushed the cynical, yet tempting thought from my mind. I scrunch down so that my head is up against her forehead, and then I roll over to on top of her. I move my head and watch him come to a halt right in front of me. He holds the end of the gun up with his left hand, his right hand around the handle' his index finger ready to pull the trigger. He squints his left eye and pointed the weapon right at me. "Roll off of her, Takato, and you'll walk away dry."

"No! Don't do it, Takato!" she yelled excitedly as the pressure situation gets even tenser.

I look up at him boldly, and with derring-do, I reply, "If you want Rika, Henry, you'll have to go through me!"

He smiles at this and yells, "Fine!" and shoots his water gun and hits me square in the back.

I felt my back get wet immediately as Rika and I burst out laughing right away. The water stops flowing, and I look up to see Henry on the ground laughing, the water fun laying a got away from him. I slide off of lying on top of Rika, and I know exactly what to do. I crawl over to Henry, grab the water gun, and as he begins to try to get up, I tackle him as I continue to laugh hysterically.

"Oooh!" I grunt as I feel more weight come crashing on top of me, and Rika's laughter is right in my ear. "Ugh, well, we've got you now, Henry!" I said.

Rika rolls to her left so that her back is now on Henry's back, and my upper body lies on his shoulder blades, but if he feels any pain he isn't saying so because we were all still laughing.

I turn on my side and point the end of the gun at his head as Rika and he kept laughing, I take good aim and shoot him square in the neck. Rika bursts into even louder laughter and I throw the gun away as Henry waves his flailing arms at me. I grab his forearms and hold them away so he can't keep trying to smack me.

My nerves calm as Henry continues to chuckle and Rika's laughter begins to subside until she is just laughing to herself quietly. I roll back over so that my back is on Henry's shoulder blades, and Rika continues to lie with her back parallel to Henry's lower back. I look over at her and she smiles and her laughter grows a little bit louder, then I look over at Henry and his little smirk grows to a big grin and suddenly, we three begin to burst out laughing again.

After a few more seconds of laughter, it all begins to subside simultaneously. I look from one to the other, smiling and sighing. "Ughh," Henry finally sighs, "well… can you guys get off of me now?"

"Oh! Sure!"  
"No." Rika replies, but I get up anyway..  
I laugh at this and watch Henry roll over so that she is now lying with her back on his stomach. "Please" he adds  
"Uggh… okay." She says, and reaches her arms out, "Takato, could you…"  
"Oh, yeah." I said as she trails off, assuming I know what she means.

I grab her hands into mine and lift her right off of his back, and suddenly into my arms, as she puts her head on my chest, her arms wrap tightly around me, and my arms are loosely around her, with one arm on her shoulders and the other on her lower back, not far from her ass.

I feel her give a grunt as she squeezes tighter and I involuntarily return the pressure. The next second though, she releases her grasp and so did I, and Henry was standing up smiling. "I warned ya! I told you- all you had to do was roll off of her-"

"Oh, shut up, Henry!" Rika says with a laugh, and turns to walk away.  
"Oooooh, she gave you the cold shoulder!" I say laughing as I follow her, although I'm not quite sure where.  
"Wait! We need to get the water gun stuff and… and… where are you two going!?" Henry calls after us.  
I stop as Rika turns around and smiles at him from across the way, "Get it yourself! And I'm going home!"  
"Hey! That's not fair!" Henry yells back although the humor is still present in the air. "And don't go home yet!"  
I turn around and look at Rika, "Yeah, c'mon Rika, let's all still hang out."

She gives an 'ah-I-don't-really-want-to-but-will-anyway' face to me and rolls her eyes. I smile at her, "What!? Why ya in such a rush to get home? I thought you hated there anyway"

"I don't _hate_ it there… it's just more enjoyable to be other places." She says and I laugh as I watch water drip off of her shirt.

Henry picks up the water gun, unscrews the cap that was keeping the water inside the gun, and pours it out into the soil of the tree that I was just sitting underneath of. "Oh, Henry, dear, you are so considerate of the environment." Rika says, slinging an arm around his shoulder with one hand, and letting her hair down with the other, all the while somewhat mocking Henry as well as erecting an aura of a black-and-white movie wife.

I smile at this as Henry turns and looks Rika in the eye, "Now, Rika, you may be tough, but if you don't get your arm off of me in two seconds I'll break it." He says coolly, and I giggle more as this gets more and more interesting every second.

Rika smiles, looking Henry dead in the eye. "But darling, how will we ever be able to conquer world hunger and pollution if you're busy breaking my arrr-!"

Rika runs like hell as Henry shakes her arm off his shoulder and reaches for her wrist. She runs to behind me again and grabs the back of my black t-shirt. I stare up at Henry and he looks at me with a look of 'oh-come-on-this-is-ridiculous.' I laugh, but she's not taking me with her this time. "Uh-uh, Rika. Not **this** time!"

I shake about until I'm sure she'll let go. Al… most… free! I break free of her hands but before I can get away, she wraps her whole arms around me. Yeah… now I'm not going anywhere. She puts her head on my shoulder from behind me. "Well now, Takato, what do you propose we do now?" she says again with humor in her voice, but also I can sense her serious question behind the tone.

"Well… do you guys want to go back to my place? We can hang out a little while longer, if ya want?" I propose

Henry just gives a blank stare and then says, "Yeah sure… I mean, if that's okay with my parents."  
"Yeah, same I guess." Rika agrees.

"Well, let me call my parents first and see if they're okay with you guys coming over. 'Cuz, there's no point in you guys getting the okay if I get a 'no.' Ya know?"

"Yeah, of course. Go right ahead." Henry says.  
"Here, allow me!" Rika says excitedly.

Before I can react or expect anything to happen, Rika reaches into my khaki's pocket and pulls my cell phone right out! "Hey!"

"Don't worry about, Takato. I got it!" she says with a laugh still and turns her back on me and hunches over my phone to block me. This time it's Henry's turn to laugh at my misfortunate at the hands of this tornado on legs!

"Rika! Hey! Give me my phone back! Right now! Rika! No! Stop it! Who are you calling!?" I franticly yell as I try to get my phone back, but she just turns her back in unison with me.

"Don't worry about it! I got it!" she says, going through my contacts. "There it is!"

"There WHAT is!?" I yell frantically, but now she stands upright, with my phone to her right ear. She holds out her left arm out like an NFL running back and stiff arms me away, literally keeping me at **arm's length**.

She blocks me off for a few seconds as she waits for, I guess, for whoever she's calling to pick up. I try to get around her but she's much quicker and more powerful than me and keeps me away until- "Hello?" she says as whoever she called picks up.

"Hello! Hey, it's me, Rika. Rika Nonaka." She says into the phone and I back off… I can't stop her now.

She waits a few second as I can barely hear the sound of someone's voice on the other side. "Yes, yes, that would be me- the lovely red head. Yes and how are you, Mrs. Matsuda?"

"MRS. MARSUDA! RIKA! GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK RIGHT NOW!" I yell, realizing who she's calling! Oh my God, my mom called her a 'lovely red head!' Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! She has _**no**_ idea what she's talking about!

"Yes! Yes, that's him. He's right here, yelling at me! I know, right! What on **earth**, is he thinking? Yelling at girls? How does he ever plan to get married if he keeps yelling at girls?" she continues to nag about me with my mom.

Henry is probably in tears laughing at this point as I can hear him continue to howl with laughter. "Rika! _**PLEASE**_ give me my phone back!" I say, attempting to calm down.

"Oh, now he's trying to kiss up and be all nice. That's not gonna work."

Oh my God, I am gonna kill her in like two seconds! "Give me my phone! Stop talking to my mom!"

"Ah well, anyway, the reason why I am calling. Well, as you can see, it's getting late." She says, looking towards the almost set-sun, "And well, Takato was wondering if he, myself, and Henry Wong could come back to your house before it gets dark?"

After another second or two she smiles, "Okay? Thank you very much. We will be over in a few minutes. Oh and here's your son. I think you need to give him a little lesson on how to treat _ladies_." Rika says with an evil smile, handing me back my phone.

I stare at her with seething hatred, but she just stares back and smiles, "I love you, Takato." She yells loud enough for the receiver to pick it up.

"I-"

"Don't leave your MOM waiting, Takato." She says with an evil smile.  
I turn my attention to the phone and put it to my ear, "Hey, Mom."  
"Takato Matsuda!" she yells at me, "Never, EVER yell at a lady. EVER!"  
"But Mom! She-"

"She is a lovely young lady, and you will NOT yell at her ever again!"  
"But Mom, she-"

"She nothing! She just said 'I love you.' Now what is the correct way to respond to that kind of affection, **TAKATO**?"  
I turn around and stare at Rika who is smiling devilishly and as I turn to her she high-fives Henry, who is on the ground now. "Low-five!" she says as she does so.

"But-"

"Taaaaaaaakatoo!" Mom yells at me.

"UGH!" I respond and move the phone off of my ear. I stare at Rika and she gives me a bright smile, as if she's done no wrong. "I love you too, Rika." I say with the burden of every word present in my voice.

Rika and Henry burst out laughing again as I bring the phone back up to my ear, "Happy now?"

"Yes. Now, you said you were going to be near Jenkins' Lake, correct? Well, head home and we'll see you in about 5 minutes. And, have Rika or Henry called their parents to ask permission to come here?"

"Ugh… no, not yet." I say defeated.

"Well, make sure they do that, and when they do tell them to invite their parents over here for dinner. Your father and I will fire up the grill and we'll all have hot dogs and hamburgers."

"Ugh…. Okay, I will." I say, the defeated voice still super-present.  
"Okay, I'll see you soon."  
"Yup, love you, Mom."  
"Love you too, bye."

The phone clicks off before I can say 'bye,' and I look up at Rika and a now just getting up Henry. "My mom said to have you guys call your parents and tell them where we're going and to tell them they can come over too for hot dogs and hamburgers."

"Awesome, I love hot dogs!" Rika says excitedly.

Henry's eyes grow HUGE in a matter of a second, "Oh really, Rika? What **kind** of hot dogs do you like, exactly?" he says, smiling broadly.

I smile at this as well, as he gets Rika back for everything she's done in the last fifteen minutes. She closes her eyes, smiles, and blushes brightly. She opens her mouth to say something but smiles and laughs again. "Umm… hehehe… well, not the kind that YOU like, Henry. I prefer to eat my hot dogs, not suck them."

He laughs at this loudly but says, "Whatever."

I smile at this. "I love hot dogs… they're my favorite. I'd eat them ALL day if I could. Wouldn't you, Rika?" I say with a mischievous and gleeful tone.

She looks at me with awe as the awkwardness as she begins to walk in the direction of my house, "Yeah, sure."

We burst out laughing again as Henry runs to catch up, and I begin to walk beside Rika on our way back to my house. We walked across grass and tree roots on our way to the concrete sidewalks. "So… besides the fact that Takato loves 'hot dogs' what else don't we know about you, Takato?"

I smile at this, deviously thinking of something dumb and funny to say, "Well, I enjoy chocolate bars, a good baseball game, tranquil fishing trips, warm bread, romantic candlelight dinners, and long walks on the beach."

Rika laughs again at this and Henry just shakes his head and smiles broadly. It's days like these that make me so happy to be alive… just days when everything makes sense and everything is fun, and enjoyable, and just… just hilarious! The breeze sweeps by again and I let the summer air hit my cheeks again. Perfection? Yes, I really think so.

We reach the sidewalk and after a few moments we start to go downhill very quickly, "Alright, so now that we're moving faster, how's about a challenge?" Rika says hurrying her footsteps along as she moves down the steep hill.

"What kind of challenge?" Henry says as he and I stay slowly behind her and move quickly.  
"How's about we race to Takato's house?" she says.  
I turn and look at Henry with a bit of dare in my eyes. "Sounds good to me." I say.  
"Me too." Henry agrees.  
"Alright, on 'go' we start." She says, but I know she's up to something. "Ready… GO!"

Before I can blink she's off sprinting… she skipped 'set' and I wasn't expecting. But I don't let my feet betray me. I take off after her and Henry, who didn't wait as long as I did to take off. I rush off towards them down the steep hill, but as I reach the bottom, I can't help but look over towards my right. There, sitting immobile for as long as I can remember is the famous playground where I used to play cards… sitting there is the jungle gym where I first found the blue card that led me to Guilmon and the crazy adventure that brought me Rika and Henry. There it is… and it'll always be there, and I'm sure it'll be there tomorrow after I outrun these two losers! I turn my attention to this race and I let the engines go! I let my legs do the work as I plan on speed and, more importantly, endurance to get me the win!

I take off sprinting until after a few seconds I'm passing Henry. He reaches out with his hand as he runs to try and grab and pull me but he swings and misses! He stumbles and slows downs, but keeps his balance. One down… one to go.

Rika is much further ahead, but she doesn't have the kind of endurance that I do. She's almost at the gates to the end of the park, but there's still a good distance to my house from there, so I might be in luck. But I don't want to have to run all the way home… I want to win this right now. I take everything I've got and go for a full out sprint. Rika's the Digimon Queen, Henry's the black belt… and me? I'm the runner.

Before Rika knows what hit her, I'm brushing shoulders with her as I pass through the park gates. I come to a stop and look around at the street road in front of me. It's too late for rush hour traffic with these summer sunsets, but it's not worth it to just run flat out into open road and possibly into on-coming traffic.

Rika comes up besides me, takes one step forward- _'NO!'_

I throw my arm up across her chest and pull her backwards as a car zooms by and beeps its horn emphatically at us. Rika stops moving and stares as blankly as death at where she almost met her end. She and I breath in heavily and Henry comes up behind us and also tries to catch his breath. I look up at Rika and she turns to me as well. There is a very eerie silence among the three of us, calculating the implications of what almost just happened. "Ta-Takato." Rika says weakly.

"Yeah." I respond, trying to figure out what on earth she'll say.

"Get your hand off of my chest, or so help me God I **will** break it."

I smile broadly and look down at my hand resting right across her… well… anyway! "Umm… wow. I'm sorr-"

"Don't… say a word. Not one little word. Thanks for saving me, but never mention that ever again." She says, her eyes closed and her head to the ground.

"What about me? Can I say a word?" Henry says with a laugh, but that was a bad idea.

Before he can respond, Rika turns on him and gets him square in the jaw with her right fist! Wow… that's gotta hurt! "NO! Not a word!"

Henry stops laughing but looks at her with a smile. He doesn't seem to fazed by it. "Doesn't that hurt?!" I ask him, surprised.

He looks at me still with a smile, "Egh, I've felt worse."

Rika smiles at him, "I can **make** it worse if you want?"

"No! No! That's alright, c'mon guys; let's get back to my house **without** anymore bruises."

Rika gives an uneasy smile but looks both ways and begins to cross the street, as Henry and I follow suit. "But really, Rika, are you alright?"

She turns and smiles more securely this time, "Yeah. I'm fine."

"I'm honestly glad." Henry says, and I smile at this. I really honestly prefer to have my best friends happy with one another rather than furious with one another.

We cross the street and after another couple of minutes Rika and Henry call their parents and tell them where they're going and invite them to dinner as well. Surprisingly all three parents agree to come, but mom's in trouble- all of Henry's siblings and Rika's grandma are gonna be coming as well. I call Mom as well and tell her, but she doesn't seem to mind. Rika tries to take the phone again but I refuse to let this time. Then, after another few minutes of joking and walking we finally arrive home, to the more than welcoming arms of my parents… more specifically, my mom. "Rika! And you brought Takato!"

"MOM!" I yell in exasperation.

"What? Oh. Rika! You brought Henry too!"

"MOM!"  
Henry and Rika continue to crack up laughing at this hilarity, but I can't help but be over the top. Insanity, thy name is Mom!

"Well, everyone, make yourselves at home, and when do you expect you're parents and siblings to arrive?"

"My mom and grandma should be here in like another 5 minutes." Rika says through tears of laughter.

"Yeah, same for my family." Henry says, also speaking through tears of laughter.

"Alright, well just take a seat and we should be ready to eat by the time they get here."

The three of us go outside and sit out in front of the store and just talk and wait for their parents to show up, laughing more all the while. Sure enough, everyone showed up in ten minutes. So, we ate dinner together around the house and it was just as much fun as the whole day had been collectively!

However, I found myself alone outside after dinner was over. We had three white plastic chairs set up and I found myself in one of them as I stared up at the stars. Suddenly, however, a red flare flew up into the night sky. I watched it go up on an arc, leaving a trail behind it until it exploded! Another blue flare went up and exploded. Then a purple. Yellow. Orange. Red. Purple. Orange. Pink. Fireworks.

"Beautiful." I said to myself.

"Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing." A familiar voice said as Rika pulled up a chair across from me.

"Not you. The fireworks." I replied.

She turns her head around and looks up into the sky and watches the fireworks with me.

"Yeah, they really are nice." Another familiar voice said, as Henry came up and sat in the last chair near by.

"Yeah, but it kinda sucks that the summers just about over now." I replied, looking up at the three consecutive blue fireworks that set off in quick succession.

"Yeah, it really does. But hey… now we're gonna be in 8th grade. Last year before ultimate freedom." I replied dreamily.

Rika chuckles at this, "Not quite. That's gonna take another four years after next year before we're quite at 'ultimate freedom.'"

"Yeah, but… oh, you know what I meant." I reply, a little befuddled.

"It's gonna be a very interesting year. I guarantee it." Henry says.

I look at him questioningly, "Why do you guarantee it?"

He just smiles while he continues to look up at the fireworks, "Just because I know. Don't worry, Takato… I've got something big planned for this year."

I continue to look at him strangely, but give up and look back up into the night sky as the fireworks continued to reign beauty upon us. "What about you, Takato? You got any big plans for this year?" Rika asks me.

I stare up into the lights and wondered about this question. The first thoughts that came to mind were not really… but it would certainly be nice to have something big happen. Something to make the year memorable. "Nothing of mind… at least not yet." I replied.

"Well good luck to you losers. I hope I only have to see you losers 2 days a week."

I look over to her, "Awww, she likes us, Henry. She plans on seeing us on Saturday AND Sunday."

"Takato… SHUT UP!" Rika yells and the three of us burst out laughing again at this.

As we continue to laugh at each other the fireworks continue to explode over our heads. The summer air is present throughout and I can't help but feel a sweet aura about the entire situation. The night sky continues to be illuminated by the fireworks and the hopes and dreams of everyone in the city are drifted away onto cloud nine as happiness and joy abounds. The air in the night is overwhelming and I love it for everything I had to offer.

Oh yes… I can feel something big happening this year.

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A/N: So yeah, this is my new story! Yay! Just of note- this is NOT, I repeat, NOT a one shot. In case any of you don't know- a one shot is a one chapter story, entire of itself. This will be multi-chaptered and it is gonna be AWESOME (that is, of course, if I can get everything that I want to go down and in the right way that I want). This was a wonderful little chapter and some of you may even ask me to keep it a one shot, but that's too bad. Once again, this chapter was actually dreamed up a couple of years ago and I told everyone this story was going to be coming along when Autumn Leaves first started (go back and read a couple of the end author's notes to see what I mean). But yeah, this is it and it is, in a way, drastically different from Autumn Leaves, but at the same time, it is VERY much like Autumn Leaves. You'll see as the chapters start to come together. So my original plan was to write the whole story during the summer and then release the chapters periodically at the end of the summer through the fall and winter and so on and so forth, but I never got around to writing it but I did get this down so far. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please… review it so I know what you all think and feel. Okay, peace!

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

_Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world __**burn**__._  
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	2. Autumn Leaves

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A/N: Here is chapter two, and yes, I know, the title is getting to be clichéd at this point, but I prefer to think of it as more of a symbol that I want to be remembered for. I want my readers to anticipate the fall, to wait for the leaves. To stare at them and think of the stories I have made for them. After all, this IS all for you guys. I don't do it for my health. Well, maybe my mental health. Expect more chapters, and SOON. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!  
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Autumn Leaves

_'I picture myself in the sun… wondering… what went wrong?'_

I stare down at my math text book and wonder what the hell 'x' is in this dumb problem, but I really couldn't wrap my head around it because I was too busy thinking… thinking about it all. Thinking about her, thinking about Rika, thinking about… thinking about Henry, and thinking about school and thinking about everything else in between. How could I possibly juggle school on top of everything else that I was already dealing with? Whoever it was who came up with the whole idea of school should definitely die. I briefly shift my eyes and turn attention to the ever changing clock, and watch it slowly march towards 3:15, but I felt it would _never_ get there!

Again I shift my eyes around, but this time I find them on the one thing that I actually care about more than any other; Jeri. She sits at her desk, quietly conversing with her neighbor about this or that; they speak into their sweat shirts, that way they're barely audible and my teacher can't yell at them. I smile serenely at her; '_She's all mine._'

Jeri… how do I even begin to explain the type of relationship I have with her, anymore? Well, she is still a shorter brunette, with those same brown eyes and a same cute little nose. She has a scar on her right forearm from an accident a couple of weeks ago that she refuses to tell me about, but it makes her veins really visible. She has a lot of freckles on her face, but also, and what gives her the most recognition among both guys _and_ girls, in the past year or so she has developed, what many would call a, ah, 'largess.' Let's just say that she stopped wearing her tighter-sweatshirts because she hated having people watch the letters get stretched out. Anyway, she retains those slender legs, a stomach most girls would kill for and yet, she still has a smile that lights up my day. But on an emotional level, everyone knows that she and I have been friends forever, and they better damn never forget it! She used to be this kind of outcast… the girl that nobody really wanted to know or be associated with… except me. Her mom died with the birth of her younger brother, but despite growing up without a mom, she really turned into a girly girl. I mean, she did have her step-mom, but she is and never really was close with her. It's kinda sad, but that's just the way it worked out.

Well, anyway, back to the real world. In school, Jeri was always so, egh, I don't even know how to explain it… removed? She was always away from the class; purposely setting herself apart from the group. At first, it was almost like an isolation kind of thing, but then as the years went by it turned more into an individualistic kind of thing. She was becoming and acting as her own person. And, I guess, I saw in her what no one else could see.

While everyone else was sticking their tongues out at girls and screaming about cooties, I was watching her hair dance around her shoulders as she glided along the halls in school. I knew what I was getting myself into, but I didn't care. I'm not sure I quite realized it, but unconsciously I saw in Jeri everything I wanted in a woman, and so I quickly turned her into my best friend. I was the only guy at my age to have a girl best friend, but it was totally worth it, because now everyone wants to be me and be in my position. The guy with the 'in,' with the hot girl. Like a flower I watched her blossom into

_**BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!**_

My gaze on her is torn apart as I shift my eyes again over to the clock—3:15! Let freedom ring, let freedom ring! I jump out to my feet and quickly shuffle anything that seems important into my backpack. _'Sweetness, thy name is Weekend!'_

I hustle out of the classroom and begin to try and navigate the traffic of a slowly filling hallway. It's amazing the way the hallways fill up after the bell rings, it's like a slow but steady flow and then and explosion. A drum beat, perhaps. It builds up slowly with people, creating a volume, and then, quite suddenly, it's as if the entire school has filed into the hallway. I felt like Indiana Jones as he's trying to run through a death trap hall that has walls slowly closing in on both sides; if I don't get to the end doorway before the two opposing sides come together, then I'll be trapped forever in the swarm… well… actually, I guess Indiana Jones would die if he was crushed on both sides of those walls. But, nah! He's freakin Indiana Jones! He'd like lasso himself up and away or something crazy and kick ass like that! Whatever! Have… to… make…. … it… . … . …..

About 30 feet from the exit of the school building a classroom door swings open, knocking over a trashcan which is, for some odd reason, pushed up against the door. I watch as a girl and guy trip over it as they too try and make it out, but I hurtle the can, and—

"Ugh! C'mon, man, what the hell?"

I hear a familiar voice as I and the person I have collided with fall to the ground, and a flurry of blue hair flashes in front of me. I sit up and look at the familiar face, "Henry!"

"Takato! What the hell man, you _tying_ to kill me?" Henry says, looking up, exasperated.  
"Nah! Hahaha, sorry, Henry, I was just Indiana Jones-en it up!" I say with a smile.

He looked at me as if I was the most peculiar creature and I just smiled even wider. If only he knew the inner-workings of my mind.

"Ugh, do you boys need a hand, or are you OK?" I look up and see a beaming Jeri.  
I open my mouth to respond, but before the words come out, Henry replies, "Well, if you wanna get down and dirty with the boys, than we won't stop you."

I take a sideways glance at him. _'Did he really just say that? I was the one who was supposed to come up with some good, witty response to her question.'_

"No, I don't think I will. I like to say nice a clean, and not roll around on the ground."  
"Yeah, OKAY! I bet you love to roll around on the ground in the confides of your own house. In fact," Henry said, as he and I both got up off the hallway floor, "I bet that's exactly what you do for fun on the weekends. Ya know, grab a helmet, some pillows, throw em on the floor in your room, strap the helmet on, and just roll and roll for… oh, probably hours!"

"Oh, is that so? That's what I do on the weekends, for fun?" Jeri said, half amused, yet still trying to combat his satirical comments, as the three of us non-verbally decided to head down the stairs of the entrance to school.

"Oh, absolutely! I'll even venture to bet you're a world class roller, since you've been doing it for as long as you can remember." He said with a matter-of-fact tone about him. Jeri and I burst out laughing as Henry just smiled as his own wittiness, and even chuckled a bit at our laughter. I mean, after all, laughter _is_ contagious.

Without actually saying it, nor without agreeing on it, the three of us set on our way back home. I was excited to get home, but I was certainly more excited about spending time with two of my best friends. I think the only way it could have possibly been better would be if Rika had been here with us, but, unfortunately, she wasn't. Speaking of whom, I had actually heard rumors recently that she was running around with Ryo somewhere, going to card tournaments and sharking out money from pigeons. I don't want that asshole to be a bad influence on her and turn her into something weird, or crazy or anything that has to do with drugs; I'll kick his ass and he knows I will.

"So, Henry, how's the martial arts stuff coming along? You still opening a can of whoop ass on everyone?" Jeri wakes me from my own world by asking.  
Henry burst out laughing, and, after a few seconds, replied, saying, "You don't just 'open a can of whoop ass' on people. That's not what martial arts is about; It's about—"

"Yeah, yeah, save it, I know all about that. '_It's about strength of mind, inner tranquility and making peace with your enemy' _Blah, blah, blah. But I wanna see you break BRICKS!" Jeri exclaimed, laughing all the while.

I snorted and laughed a little and Henry rolled his eyes, and then turned his head back to her and said, "Well I wanna see you perform some of your excellent rolls!"

I smiled broader and laughed, as I watched her push him away. As we continued walking on, with them in front of me, he moved over a few steps to the left and then came swiftly back to her side like a magnet and gave her a soft push as well. She took a few steps sideways, looked at him as if he had just insulted her and came back to his side, shoving him full force. He skipped over a few steps and I chuckled at their jockeying for position, but, again like a magnet, he swiftly ended up at her side. This time, however, he didn't push her away, but simply stood next to her as they walked along. 'Hey… what the hell!?'

I snuck up behind them, grabbed each by the shoulder, and separated their togetherness, and then put myself in between, because that was my rightful place! They both take sideways looks at me and smile, but I feel some sort of distance amongst us… but we're right next to each other… or… are we?

Nah! These two are two of the most important people in my life! I love em, and I don't know what I'd do without them! "So, you guys get psyched for the card tournament at Rika's next weekend?" I ask them.

"Dude, don't even mess around. Don't bother to come, because I am totally just gonna smash you so bad." Henry says boastfully.  
"Oh really, fool? You think shampoo is better than conditioner?!" I say, referencing _Billy Madison_.  
Neither says anything, and Jeri actually gives me a strange look, "Stop looking at me, _**SWAN**_!"

A look of realization sweeps over her face and Henry just turns away in embarrassment that he didn't catch the reference. Jeri laughs and I laugh too, and Henry only keeps walking, almost trying to ignore us.

He walks for a couple of seconds in front of us, turns his head slightly, sees that he's a little in front of us,  
And he's gone! Henry breaks out into a full out sprint. What the fuck? Jeri laughs next to, "Hahaha, he's trying to get away! Last one to the park losses!"

Jeri too takes off running, and I simply watch. I look at my feet and shake my head, _'They never learn, do they?'_ I give them another second to try and gain any head of steam they need, and then I look up, take a skip and then blast off. I take long, lengthy stride, all for the purpose of gaining ground over a shorter time span. My arms swing mechanically at my side, as I have taught myself. I control my breath as well as I can. A machine… I am a machine. Created to seek and destroy my prey who are constantly trying to get away from me. To run away from me… they're always running… but they never get away. They always stop running… they always get caught. I always find a way.

I watch the distance between Jeri and me disappear until I am literally next to her, and I waste no time in blowing past her. I see Henry still sprinting up ahead, but he's a fool. _'You must endure. You must not waste your energy with such senseless things. You must endure it all. You must endure.'_

Henry nearly comes to a stop, as he is now running short of breath. His lungs are expanding and contrasting too quickly, and soon he may be wheezing from the strain of trying to catch his breath. His lungs aren't used to this kind of strenuous activity… mine are. I will endure. I will endure it all.

I come striding up to him, as he stands with his hands on his hips, his head to the sky, begging for air. As I go to pass him, I say, "Lookin good out here today, kid."

I don't bother to stop and look, I just keep on trucking. I don't stop until another couple of blocks later when I reach the entrance to the park. I finally turn and see Henry and Jeri coming up slowly behind, talking about something or other. They look so happy, so honest. They look cu… they look like they need me to separate them. Like Henry, I now put my hands on my hips and look up into the sky. The sun beats heavy onto my face. The light seems to absorb me and welcome into its warmth. However, the image of the two of them chatting… smiling… flirting. It makes me wonder… what went wrong?

They finally reach me and smile brightly. We have, as Jeri had mentioned before, come to our point of departure; the entrance to the park. Henry must sweep right of the park to reach the apartment buildings where he and the rest of his large family lives, Jeri must go left so she can get back to her Dad's house, and I must venture through the park in order to get to my family's bakery on the other side. "Well, I guess this is where we say we've had enough?"  
Henry stares at Jeri questioningly, but I stare at her with a smile. It's our song, and so I start, "And no one should ever…"  
"_Feel the way that I feel now!_" The two of us burst out singing.

Henry gives a forced look of shock; his eyes are wide open and his jaw dropped to exemplify a look of surprise that screams out 'overkill.' I simply smile at him, while Jeri giggles. "Well, anyway, I guess I'll talk to you guys later." Henry says to us.

"Yeah, definitely." I reply with a huge grin, but I feel saddened to see my friend go.

"Alright, well, Takato, you have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday! Love you, BFF." Jeri says, as she gives me a big hug, and I squeeze back extra tight.

When I finally let go, I figure my good-byes are done, and I turn to leave, however, as I turn I hear something whispered, and then I hear Jeri's voice say, "Yeah, of course we're still on."

I turn my head around as I begin to walk away, and see Henry nod his head with a big smile and then the two friends depart from one another, not before giving each other a tighter, better hug than the one I myself had just shared with Jeri. What… what's going on?

I hear a crunch underneath of my foot, and turn to face front. I look to my feet and see what it is that I have stepped on; leaves. I look up and around and see the beauty of the world around me; the beauty of Mother Nature at work. It's autumn again… my favorite season. Leaves are probably my favorite thing in all of nature… more than thunderstorms, more than snow, albeit I'm much happier when I get a snow day, and much more than sweltering sun heat on summer days. No… autumn leaves are my favorite part of all of the seasons.

The leaves in Autumn are beautiful, with their colors of gold, red, brown, and green. They make you feel safe, welcome, good… loving. They dance around your head when they fall, tempting you to reach for it, daring you to out reach and touch something real that won't be there anymore very soon. So soon you can't help but reach out and touch them. Because if you never reach out, how will you ever know if there was anything to touch? If you can't reach out and lend a helping hand to someone that is **falling** apart, or breaking **down** how would you ever know if that person was willing to return your love? But still… the leaves are beautiful in Autumn.

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A/N: So, this is chapter two. I liked it, but it's a sh-sh-sh-shawty. Not too long, but good for moving the story along. Yeah, kill me for the OOC (out of character) of some people, notably my systematic changing of Jeri into a popular girl, as well as possibly falsifying her background a little as the outcast girl, when, she probably was far from it. Regardless, this story will be done sooner, rather than later. I liked this chapter, and this was my first fanfiction update in MONTHS, so I hope ya'll liked it. Let me know what you think, please, because, as I said before, I don't do this for my health. I do this for you. I do it so you can make me aware as to what is going right and what is going wrong with my writing. I want to correct mistakes and adjust problems, but also maintain good things and keep suspense up. Well, on a side note, the opening to the last chapter of Autumn Leaves came back up, if you noticed. Read my opening note for how I feel about the cliché of it all, and such. Please review. Thanks for everything, folks. I love you guys.

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

_Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world __**burn**__.  
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	3. In The Sun

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A/N: What did I say? Updates quickly, but don't expect the next for a little bit. I killed off two of these guys right in a row and I was gonna wait to update, but I couldn't resist. I hope everyone is enjoying the story thus far. Pay attention for context clues to see as to what's been going on. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!  
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In The Sun

My heart thumps… I feel nothing. I stare at her… she stares back. I see her mouth moving, but I don't know what she's saying. It's kind of like one of those moments on TV, ya know? When everything slows down, and you can see the people talking, but you most certainly cannot hear what they are saying. When you notice the slightest things that give away the biggest things; some sort of hint to the truth of the matter which makes way for the facts to be displayed. But this isn't tv, and things aren't moving in slow motion, but I am most certainly not hearing what Rika is saying.

"So what do you think?" she asks me.

Stunned for the moment as I am well aware that I have no idea what she wants me to comment on, I just acknowledge this fact rather than try and avoid it, "About what?"

"About **THAT**." Rika says, walking along, paying no attention to my bewilderment on what exactly 'that' is?  
"About what?" I say again, not hiding my confusion.  
"Were you even listening to me? Do you ever listen?!" She says, exasperated.

I smile bashfully at her, and say, "Of course I do… half the time."

She smiles and shakes her head. I am too much of a little kid that she can't possibly stay mad at me. I mean, c'mon. Look at this face… would could EVER get mad at this face? "You're a cute little son of a bitch, aren't you?"

"WHAT?!" I say shocked at what she's said.

She turns to me with a smile, her red hair flying around like fire, and, if I'm not mistaken, a little red in her cheeks, "I said… you're a cute little son of a bitch, aren't you?" I gape at her and stop walking. She continues to slowly walk away and just stares back at me before chucking, facing forward, and walking away.

So goes my walk in the park with Rika. This is how we decided to spend our last Saturday in September. Henry usually joins us for a good ol' ass whoopin from Rika in cards, but she doesn't even bother when it's just me all by my lonesome. I literally can't even hold a candle to her skills. But whatever, the two of us are just walking, hanging, chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool. When a couple of guys, they were up to no good… "Why are you humming the theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"

I burst out laughing, and when I look up at Rika, she is just staring at me like I'm a little psychotic. She bites her lower lip and looks down at me pitifully. I just smile right back at her. And so goes my walk in the park with Rika.

I straighten up, and hurry to her side. We walk down some unconscious path, unsure just of where we are going, but sure that we are going there. The air is by far much colder than it was a month ago, or a little more, whenever it was in that time and place when school wasn't ruining our lives. Ahhh, how I miss that time so. We continue to walk on for a while, side by side, without saying a word. Just the two of us… walking through the park without a care in the world. "So, how's life?" I finally ask her.

"Hmmm… life's good. Just… getting by." She says, seeming to pick her words carefully.  
"Something the matter?" I ask her, noticing her hesitation, and wondering about it.  
"No. It's just…" She pauses.

"What?"  
"Well… what do you think of Ryo?" she asks me.  
"Ryo? Uhm… well, he's good at cards, I guess." I say, unsure of why she's asking me about him.  
"Yeah, no duh. I mean, I'm better but…"

"Yeah… so… how's about Henry and Jeri… dating? Pretty nuts, right? Whoda thunk it?" I say, unsure of where to go with the conversation.  
"Yeah. Crazy." Rika says, turning her head the other way.

What the fuck, man? What's her problem? Did that asshole do something to her? Aww shit, did he turn her into a fuckin druggy, like I was afraid he would? That asshole, who does he think he is? He just busts onto the scene and turns my best friend into something she's not.

Ryo… where do I even begin? I was so okay with him at first. Kazu and Kenta like worshipped the very ground he walked on. Meanwhile, I was trying to gauge what kind of person he was. It pissed me off that he and Rika were always able to play cards in a fair competition, and Rika couldn't handle easily crushing me. If she wanted a good competition, she should play me more and watch me get better. She could make me into something better than I already am, but she simply refused. She only wanted to play with someone on her own level and watch and wait for someone else to catch up, all the while crushing the hopes and dreams of someone who wasn't 'on par.' What the hell? And now he's taken her and warped her into something even further away from the real, TRUE Rika I know. He's corrupting her. He's destroying her. "You don't like him, do you?" I finally burst out with, unable to stop myself anymore.

Rika turns quickly to look at me again, and I swear I see some pink in her cheeks, before she turns away again, saying, "No way! Why would you even say that?"

"Just because… ugh…" I stopped myself. I don't want to accuse her of having feelings for him, because I don't want to drive her way, but I want to get out the truth. "I just… I don't know."

Now she turns to me, "What are you crazy? I don't care about anyone!"

She tries to shoot daggers into my soul by staring at me vilely, but there's something different. This was a new emotion on her. This was… something fake… something docile in comparison to her other hate-stares. She wasn't actually mad… she was trying to appear mad. Before I can continue on, she interrupts my thoughts again, saying, "Why don't you like him, anyway?"

I ponder the question for a few seconds, unsure of how to respond. Why don't I like him? Because he's taking my best friend and tearing her down! But… that's just my opinion, and I certainly can't tell her that. She'll get mad and tell me I'm crazy, or a jerk or at least that I'm wrong. So what DO I tell her? "Well… I just… ah, I don't know, Rika, I just don't like him."

"Well that's a pretty shitty reason for not liking someone."  
"Ughhh…" I scoff. What the fuck? She just doesn't fucking understand, does she?

We come to the top of the hill that we had raced down before, way back on that summer night. God, things were SO good back then, weren't they? I should have known that Henry was gonna steal Jeri away from me and Ryo was gonna fuck up Rika. What the hell is wrong with these people? Fucking Ryo is turning her into such a different person, and I don't like it at all! He's not even here and he's inciting the two of us to fight! Some how… some way… I'm gonna make him pay. I stare down the hill to the jungle gym where it all started, and a thought occurs. "Hey, Rika… wanna race to the swing set?"

She takes a long, sideways glance at me, but, slowly but surely, a smile dawns on her face like a new sun. "Ready?" she starts.

"Set?" I start, but before I can get to 'go' she's off.

I take off after her, and I don't hold anything back. Going only downhill means she already has a small advantage, because she won't have to endure flat plains or up-hills, but more importantly, this is only a sprint, and Rika's not exactly slow. She's extremely athletic, which I guess comes with her toughness and tomboy act. I rush my mechanics into full steam and my training and practice certainly pays dividends, as I pass by her quite quickly and then find myself at the bottom of the hill and, after another couple of seconds, I come to a slow stop in front of the swing set. I turn, and Rika comes jogging up, worn out and exasperated from the quick sprint. I smile gleefully, "How'd you like that for a change?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, bewildered.  
"How does it feel to have your _own_ ass handed to you, for a change?"

She stares at me with shock and anger for a moment. She opens her mouth preparing to say something, but shuts it quickly. She looks like someone just told her she was the worst card player on the planet. She marches past me, and takes a seat on the swing set behind me, and I cautiously join her. I wasn't _that_ vicious, was I? _'Why was I vicious at all?'_ I… ugh… ugh, I, I really don't know why I was that mean?

Images of Ryo blast into my mind, and the thoughts of him corrupting Rika are at the forefront of my mind. That bastard! I will kill him! But… how do I tell her that? She won't hear me out if I try and tell her that… _'Or will she?'_ No! There's no way. Rika Nonaka never lets people tell her how to live her life. She's her own ruler.

_'Then how do I explain that I don't want Ryo to hurt her?'_ But is that what I really want? Is that how I really feel? I _**really**_ can't tell her that though, even if it is how I really feel, because then I'm just a selfish asshole. Then… how do I explain how I feel?

"Ya know, whether you want to think so or not, he's a really nice guy." Rika says, albeit she seems a little insecure saying it.

What the fuck, man? Why does she keep trying to bring him up again? Doesn't she already know he's on my mind? Does she want to shove him down my throat to? Is that what she's trying to do? Force-feed me these ideas of a person I don't really like, nor completely understand? Why is she doing this to me?! "I just… don't know him all that well, I guess." I say, reluctant and unsure. I'm not really speaking my mind, but it's the best thing to say to her in this position.

"Yeah, I'll say." She says, pushing her feet off the ground, making her swing go back and forth.  
"So what _is_ there to like about him?" I ask, unsure if I want to hear the answer.  
"Well, for starters, he's really thoughtful, and romantic." She says, almost… adoringly?! "Not that I like that kind of stuff… but I mean… he's kind of like you in that sense, ya know? Just a big dreamer."

Something about her saying that strikes a nerve. If he's just like me, than why is he better than me in her eyes? What makes him better? And fuck that, he's not like me. He's the opposite of me. I'm… I'm the dreamer. I suppose. I mean, I guess I never thought of myself that way, but if that's what she thinks I am, then I guess that means I am. A dreamer… someone always thinking optimistically of the future and all that it holds… someone who can share his vision with anyone else and dream of a better world… or a happier time… someone who never lets the world beat him; always knowing there are better days around the corner… yeah, I guess that's me…

And she thinks Ryo is a dreamer too? And Ryo's better than me, so I guess that means that he's a better dreamer than me too. Fuck that, there's no way that can be true. I'm the only dreamer. I can be the only one. I must endure. "I don't know, he's just… really nice, I guess. He's cute. What do you think?"

"What do I think?! I think he's a pretentious asshole with an overly exaggerated ego. He wants to constantly be playing the hero, even when the role doesn't exactly fit him. I can see him throwing his friends under the bus in order to become greater than them. He needs a reality check; he thinks he's the shit, but he's not worth an ounce of my time, let alone yours." I say as bitterly as possible, much to Rika's dismay. She hangs a gaping mouth at my awful assessment of him.

"**Excuse me**? Who do **you** think _you_ _are_? Ryo Akiyama is a great guy, and far from any of the things you just claimed him to be. I would even venture to say that you just perfectly described _yourself_." She shoots back at me.

"Oh yeah, because **I'M** a pretentious asshole? Where do you even get off telling me that? I just told you exactly what I thought of him and you're telling me I was talking about me? Good one."

Rika jumps up off of the swing set and walks a few feet away, saying, "Fuck off, Takato. You are exactly what you just said; you have an insatiable need to play the hero, ya know? No matter if things are awful or just slightly messed up, you HAVE to be the one to try and solve the problem, or to save people from themselves. Who says they even need saving? You also have a misplaced sense of entitlement!" she says, exasperated at having to tell me everything that's wrong with me.

"What does that mean? I never said I was entitled to anything!" I yell back, as I too stand up from the swing set.

"I didn't say you ever said it. You come off as feeling like you're entitled to so much, when, in reality, you are entitled to oh so little."

"Oh, I'm entitled to 'oh so little,' huh? I guess then the next time you need someone to save you from the D-Reaper or Beezulmon you can go crawling back your _boyfriend_, RYO!" I shout at her, and then walk a few feet closer. "But I doubt he'll help you then, since God knows he didn't the first time around!"

"He… is not… my boyfriend." She hisses back at me, as she draws closer and now our glaring eyes are barely a foot from one another.

"Go home and cry to daddy." I hiss at her.

Her violent stare stops. Her eyes droop, and then I feel flesh meet flesh. The whole left side of my face burns with searing pain as I grab it with my hand. I look up and Rika is storming off, without another word to be said. I stand up… she slapped me. She really just slapped me. But she definitely deserved that. She's being such a bitch. Fucking Ryo… he's ruining everything! He's tearing Rika and me apart! I'm gonna kick his ass, I swear. Someone is gonna pay for this.

I turn around and start heading in the opposite direction of Rika. She had started on her own way home, but it was also the shortest way back to my house. I certainly wasn't going to appear to be following her, which would be just creepy and weird and shit. So, I started to go the long way home, as much as that sucked_. _'_Maybe I should follow her so that I can apologize for that… it was really mean to say something so cruel._' No! She totally deserved it, the way she was putting Ryo up on a pedestal, and leaving me to look like a complete jerk. Where does that even come from?! That jerk is putting her through a metamorphosis and now she's coming off as some kind shielded, crazy bug, disconnected from the outside world except for what she knows in him.

'_Or is she right… am I the one disconnected from the truth?_' No! No way… at least… I don't…

_**CRUNCH!**_

I look down and see that I have just crushed one of the few remaining leaves from the fall. We're getting further and further into fall now, and I just don't know if I'm ready to see the autumn leaves go. I mean, we still have like a month and a half before its 'technically' winter, but I just… I feel the cold, cutting air coming into the atmosphere already. It really sucks. I look up again… the sun is barely visible through the clouds, but it beats down on me again. Rika…. I guess that was really mean. But… what's wrong with everyone recently? Henry and Jeri shocked me… Rika is changing in front of my eyes, and leaving me behind it all… Ryo is responsible for that… it's just… everything is wrong. Nothing is alright. I don't even know anymore what it's all for… my friends abandoning me… that's not cool. Back in the summer… Rika and Henry and I… we had so much fun. We spent afternoons together under this same sun… and now I'm not even sure if there is anyone who is in the sun. Won't anyone help me to understand? I feel like I'm caught in between all I wish for… and all I need. Oh… maybe none of them are even sure what it's for… anymore than me?

I drop my head and stare around my surroundings. The lake… Jenkin's Lake… in all its bestiality. That beautiful lake from the summer is now drying up. It is black-brown around the edges, which is the soil that was under the water before, I suppose. It's murky and dark… so far changed from what it used to be… it's changed into something else. What the fuck. Why do the seasons have to change something so beautiful and turn it into something that makes me want to vomit? Scattered rocks are imbedded into the dirt near by. I pick one up as I walk along, wind up, and throw it as hard as I can into the perverted lake. It hits a little off-center and splashes water up.

Fuck this… something gotta change… I have to fix this… I have to change it… how do I bring them back… how do I make it better… how…

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A/N: Hey, all. This is quite angst-y, I'll say. The chronicles of Takato's fall from tranquility to inner-unrest. There certainly is a lot of symbolism, and I do have to admit that you have to be able to read between the lines a little to understand what is going on in the psyche of each character. Rika is really seeking approval from her best friend for her romantic interest, whereas Takato is so jumpy after losing one of his own romantic interests, Jeri, to one of his friends, Henry. That whole race to the swing set was supposed to be Takato unconsciously living his rivalry with Ryo out with Rika. There are certainly a lot of dangerously ambiguous references in the story, but that's up for you guys to decide. So yeah, that's just some of the things that are happening between the lines. I should hope you guys can decipher some of the other things on your own :] Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the chapter(s). PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU GUYS DO!! Anyway, hope ya'll liked it.

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

_Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world __**burn**__.  
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	4. The Nothingness

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A/N: So here's chapter four, and I really hope you guys like it. No lie… this story MUST be done by Monday. So in 1 week, the rest will be released, whether you believe it or not. I don't have a choice. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!  
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The Nothingness

There they are. Happy as can be. Smiling, smiling and smiling. It makes me _sick_. His blue hair and her brown eyes… there seems to be something foreign about them now. They seem both so distant but so close. There they are, and yet they're not even here. They're not with me… they're not even human anymore. Now they're cancer cells in my life. Slowly and steadily they are breaking me down, turning me into a withered down piece of nothing. All they are... cancer cells. Viruses that are tearing me down. Eating at me from the inside, poisoning me. Just staring at them makes me feel weak in my stomach.

Just like a virus… Just like a virus they entered into my life without me knowing… until it was too late. Just like a virus they linger around for what seems like ever, both in reality but also on the inside of me; in my mind and trembling inside of my body. Just like a virus even when I think I'm free of them they find some way to remind me of their control over me… the way they smile at one another… they way they walk together… they way they laugh… just like a virus…

I turn away from them, looking for anything else to entertain my interest and tear me away from my virus. I lean back in my chair and look out the open door to across the hall and see yet another virus eating away at me. Across the hallway I can see into the next room over because the door is open and it's Ryo, sitting up in his chair, staring at the clock, directly over the door furthest from him. His knees are bouncing around, as if he's ready to explode from his seat, unable to control himself… ready to run.

The worst part is that I know why… I know exactly where he's going and why. He and Rika have a date together today… something I picked up through the grapevine of Kazu and Kenta. Albeit, I'm not 100% sure they're actually dating… but they're close enough…. They're just… URGH!

I rip my eyes away from him because I can't stand the sight. I don't want to look back at the other viruses in my life, so I just stare down. Looking down at my hands, I notice, above all else, my nails. Some of them are slightly longer than other. '_Damn it, I gotta cut them when I get home. It's just looks stupid with a couple longer than others_.' I also notice that the skin around my fingernails is frayed slightly on some fingers. '_That looks equally as stupid! What the fuck is wrong with my damn hands!?_' What's more, my hands are all dried out too… my knuckles look like they're on the verge of cracking and breaking open into real cuts, which would suck a ton. I also have sporadic cuts along my fingers… '_Jesus Christ, what…the… HELL is wrong with my hands?_' I turn my hands over to try and drive the image from my mind but the issues follow me; I have ink stains running up and down the sides of my hands, which, I assume, is from writing all day in school. I really hate these stupid hands, they're such a nuisance. Fucking fingernails!

I bring the nails up to my mouth and begin to gnaw at one of the longer ones; biting at the nail until it seems equal with some of the others. But even then, that one I bite into is only more jagged than the other ones. God damn it!

_**BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!**_

The bell! Class is over… finally the weekend! I am out of my seat and at the door in barely a second, ready to get the hell out of this deathtrap. I run out of the door, however, Ryo comes right at me from across the hall as well. Do I knock him over or do I let him go? There are no two ways about it; either we collide or I stop and let him go…

I come to a screeching halt, and Ryo just flies past me, paying me no mind. I watch him go… what a jerk… he had no idea… I should have let him find out the hard way… but then he would have told Rika… and she wouldn't have liked that. She would have thought I did it just because it's him… but it wasn't… and I don't want to make things any worse for myself than they already are. As I watch him sprint down the hallway I also see the hallway slowly begin to fill up with people. Damn it! Now I'm gonna be stuck in the fucking traffic! I hurtle forward and being to navigate my way through the traffic, but I might as well be trying to drive a hummer through the rain forest. The people are everywhere and they are not moving, most are talking with one another, some are just slowly trotting ahead, their destination not quite known yet. They'll know when they get there, I suppose.

I push and shove my way through the crowd but it still sucks just as much. I shouldn't even have to deal with this! Stupid Ryo, getting in my way, slowing me up and putting me through such bullshit with the crowd and traffic and crap. If I could kill him and get away with it, I would absolutely do it. I just… I hate him. I just hate him.

About another minute of navigating the crowd later and I'm outside. I quickly slip down the steps up to the school, and started heading down the streets on the way to the park, but, for a change of scenery, I decided to take the back roads. '_Why not?_' I reason with myself. Plus, it can be an adventure!

I pass by Suncrest and head down Poe, examining the bright green signs with white writing. However, I'm a bit surprised to find the street completely void of any people or activity at all. It's an empty street… a lonely street… it's eerie. It's so strange… school has just been let out for the weekend, shouldn't all of the streets in the entire city be bustling with people who are talking and hanging out and stuff? There is something incredibly mystifying about this quiet back street.

As I make my way down slowly I look around at the houses that line the black concrete river. Some are run down… some are on sale… some look brand new… they all retain the same sense of eerie silence and lonesome. This is quite the onerous road that I travel. I look around for someone… anyone to communicate with. I feel suffocated by the silence of this street. I feel so alone with no one walking home with me… I feel… so alone.

Like these seemingly empty streets, so are the people in my life; they are empty, gone… left for the time being. But the people in my life… just like everyone on this street… they'll be back. They always come back.

But… when the cars and the people return to this street, it will only to use it. To walk all over it… and those same people won't think twice about the street that they use. Only as a means of going or becoming something else… something better.

I turn the corner and up ahead to little kids are playing basketball. As I draw closer, however, one of them knocks the ball out of the others' hands. It rolls off of the driveway and as I go to pass the house it comes directly to my feet. I bend down and pick it up, and as I come back to a standing position with the ball, the kid who had the ball in the first place is standing a few feet away, "Hey, you wanna take a shot?"

I stare at him blankly. Me? Does he really think I am going to shoot it? "Go ahead… shoot it."

I continue to stare at him blankly. He must not understand… but he is young. He still has time to learn. I lean back over, put the ball on the ground and roll it over to where he is standing. I stand back up, and continue on my way, ignoring the confused gaze of the little kid. What's the point? If I make it, what good have I done myself or others? And if I miss it, then I've only embarrassed myself. Such pointless activities require no execution. They are simply futilities in search of futile goals.

What the hell am I talking about?! I don't even know what I'm saying! I'm such an idiot sometimes. '_Well, actually, according to Rika, I'm an idiot __all__ of the time._'

No, wait, she didn't say that… did she? '_Well, she stopped just short, if she didn't._' But she didn't! She

_**CRUNCH!**_

I look around at once, and look immediately down at my feet. There they are again… interrupting and invading my thoughts… the autumn leaves. I turn my attention to the sky and look at all of the tress around. There are only a few leaves now hanging on… for dear life, that is. But what catches my attention are the ones clinging to the ground.

They're almost dead… again. It's just what happens, and it always happens. They come and go, just like the rest of Autumn. What a stupid season, anyway? There isn't anything good about it; everything is dying. Who would want that? When it's good, then it's good, it's so good… until it goes bad. When they're here… it's so picturesque. So beautiful… so welcoming. Until… until it goes bad. Till they start to decay and die off. Until they become autumn leaves.

The leaves in Autumn are beautiful, with their colors of gold, red, brown, and green. They make you feel safe, welcome, good… loving. They dance around your head when they fall, tempting you to reach for it, daring you to out reach and touch something real that won't be there anymore very soon. So soon you can't help but keep your hands away… to let the leaves be. Really? What's the point in touching something that won't always be there for you, that will leave you, that will be gone before your eyes in just a few short months, when the cold has turn them over for death. But still… the leaves are beautiful in Autumn.

Not much longer I find myself walking around the front of the bakery to the back, pulling out my keys so I can get in. It's still relatively early, but Mom and Dad always close early the day before Halloween, in order to prepare and protect the house from teens on Mischief Night. I guess now I fit in that teen-category, which I suppose makes me no better than any other teenager who actually does go out. As I go to unlock the door, I spot my hand again and the frayed skin on my fingers is irritating. All of it's imperfections… they infuriate me. The long fingers are especially damning.

I burst through the door and immediately begin looking for the finger nail clippers. I walk into the kitchen and find a slip of paper that reads;

_Dear Takato,  
__Your father and I went to the convenience store to pick up some things for tonight. I left some fresh bed on the counter for your after school snack. Be back soon.  
__Mom_

Disregarding the note, as well as my snack, I head upstairs to look for the nail clippers in the one place where I know they'll be; Mom's bureau.

I slowly push open the door and enter quietly, the last thing I wanted to do was to disrupt the peaceful silence of my parents' bedroom. I search along the belt high bureau, which is covered in dust, for the nail clippers. I find them secretly tucked away between two framed photographs. I look down at the images of the past; the first is of my parents soon after their marriage. They're sitting on a blanket in the park, smiling up at the camera. They seem so happy. I then turn and look at the other picture; My father holds me in his arms, not even a few months old, with my Mom on the phone in the background. My Mom looks busy beyond belief and my Dad doesn't seem all that happy with his current predicament. He seems even a little upset. In the one picture, they seem so happy, and yet, in this one, they seems so burdened. Do… do I depress them?

No! No way! I thrust the thought from my mind and turn away. I walk out of my parents' bedroom quietly, making sure to be careful as I close the door behind me. I become aware of the weight of my book bag on my shoulders, and head for my room. I push open the door and drop my bag to the floor right away, listening as it makes a rather loud thud when it hits. Without a plan or even thought I drop onto my bed, exhausted from my day at school, nay, from my week at school.

Oh how beautiful is sleep! It creates for us an opportunity to get back most, if not all of our lost 'energy.' But what per se is that 'energy?' And where does it come from? Is it really some sort of battery inside of us that keeps going until, like clockwork, it runs out of juice and we have to refill it? Or, perhaps, is it something more? Is the 'energy' just an urge to keep going? Is the energy just an inherent reaction to consciousness? What is it?

Images of dying flowers burst forth into my mind and, for some strange reason, I think of myself. As the winter air suffocates my flower, the flowers around me, those of my friends, flourish with energy and resolve, determined to weather the winter. What happened?

That summer air was so welcoming and so alive. Rika and Henry… we had so much fun. Everything was perfect and vibrant. Henry said there would be big things this year. I want it again. I want it back…

The autumn leaves used to be enchanting and enjoyable. Jeri and Henry… we laughed so hard. I had wanted Rika there so it would be complete. Everything was wonderful… but incomplete. The summer air was gone, but the leaves were still alive. If only it was complete. If only Jeri and Henry stopped flirting. If only…

That dreary air that created trouble and turmoil. Everything was so wrong… and insufficient. The lake was corrupted and insulting. Rika… she hated me. I was so cruel. She said… I have to be the hero. I feel entitled to everything. I was so cruel. I felt… she was wrong. But maybe…

Maybe she was right…

~*~

Can you imagine the feeling of weightlessness? The dizzying euphoria of having not even the weight of gravity to hold you down?? Well, what about the feeling of nothingness? Can you imagine that? No. It is inconceivable to try and force upon yourself the feeling of absolute nothing. Just as eternal light is unimaginable, so is eternal darkness. To feel nothing is to cease to exist. To cease being. Can you imagine that? The eternal darkness. The ultimate void. The forever falling. The end.

Yes, falling. That's how I feel. I am falling. I have nothing to hold me up. Nothing to support me. Nothing to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This empty feeling of nothingness within me is suffocating. But I must accept it, because I will never stop falling. From the very moment of my birth, I have been on a path of continuing decay, which will last until my dying breath. I must accept

_**BOOM**_

I hit the bottom of this ceaseless pit. Just when I was ready to accept that it was infinite, and it ends. I stand up at ground zero. Where am I? I was just in bed… and now I'm here? What happ-

"RIKA!" I shout, finding the redhead a few feet away.

She shows no emotion. She doesn't even acknowledge me. But why? I can barely make out her face and outline, but it's unmistakable. An orange glow emanates onto her and, wondering for the first time where it comes from, I spot a lit torch shivering in an unknown wind. I turn and find only one other torch, and-

"HENRY!" I shot again, shocked once more to find my best friend present.

He too is barely visible. I stand back and look at the two of them, both a good twenty yards away from me. I stare desperately at them, begging for any sign of recognition. I stare intently at them and, for the first time, notice there's something… _off_ about them. They look… black. Not as if they changed race, but rather as if a grey tone has been added to them. What… what's happening to them?

Suddenly, however, they turn around. "Rika… Henry… What… What are you guys doing?! RIKA! HENRY!" I scream, but they don't hear me, or perhaps they're ignoring me?!

Suddenly, again, they begin to walk away! "Wait! Guys! Stop! Don't… DON'T LEAVE ME!" But too late. They disappear into the darkness. They are gone.

I want to move to them. I want to reach out and bring them back. But I feel entrenched where I am. Rooted to my spot. I want to reach out to them and let them know that I want them… that I need them. But I can't… for whatever reason. Then again, why should I?! They turned their backs on ME! Why should I have to call them back?

A blaze of glory bursts in front of me. I look around and find first that I was standing in the center of a stone circle, which is now on fire! The blaze of fire roars and the expands! It comes right towards me but I don't move. It engulfs me and the ultimate void begins.

~*~

I sit up straight. Sweat runs down not just my face, but also down my spine. Had I truly been engulfed in flames that I was sweating this badly!? What had happened? Was it all just a dream? But if all felt so real. Was it really just a nightmare?

I feel a sharp pain in the palm of my hand. I look down into my right, clinched fist. I slowly open my hand and the fingernail clippers slip out. However, it left a mark behind. Down the center, where the clippers had just been a thin, dark, heavy line is impressed upon my palm.

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A/N: Sick wit it. What a chapter. I am feeling on top of my game again. While writing this chapter in school, I realized I was on a roll of great writing, I turned to my friend who had no idea what I was writing and made him give me a high five. He asked what for and I said because I'm back! This was an interesting chapter, and I enjoyed writing it. Hope you guys enjoyed it too. Please review. I like that a lot. Okay, peace!

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

_Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world __**burn**__._  
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	5. The Others

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A/N: Hello Darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again. So, anyway, here is chapter numba 5. I feel confident in saying that I believe this is the best chapter I've ever written in my young author career. Yeah. That just happened. Of note: keep a close eye on the timeline of the chapters. It seems like everything is happening so fast but in reality everything is happening in a very spaced out manner. The timeline is especially crucial in this chapter. Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!  
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The Others

Thanksgiving was a week ago. A little more than that actually. 8 days. It's Friday again, the worst day of the week. I can't bear having to endure two whole days of solitary confinement. There is no work for me to do, nothing to keep me busy, nothing but the nothing. I have an imposing feeling that I'm being watched. Not just by adults, but also by other people. Those others. The others. The ones who have carefully been preparing my hell hole that I live in now. I know they're watching because they want to see me react. They want to paint me as a loose cannon, as the villain. They want me to explode, to let loose and prove to them that they're getting to me. They want real, hard evidence that they're inside my head.

But I won't give it to them. I won't give them the gratification. I won't give the anything. I keep my head bowed down, looking only at my hands in my lap. Even staring down at my hands, though, I feel a seething hatred for all of these people, but also, strangely, for myself. I completely blame those people for me hating my hands; they are making me agitated and self-conscious of my hands. They forced this upon me. If they weren't constantly watching me then I wouldn't even have to think about it. But they are. They are always watching me. So I have to silently be perfect to show them wrong. But my imperfections, my hands, prevent me from being perfect. Which is why I blame _myself_ for it, a little bit. If I took better care of these tools, then I wouldn't have to worry about the others examining them. But still . . . it feels strange to blame myself.

When was the last time I hung out with any of the others? I truly can't remember. It was so long ago. None of them have even bothered asking me. They simply go about their lie-filled lives. They are lie-filled because they are based on lies, consist of lies and sustained by lies. Ask them if they are loyal to all of their friends? Ask them if they would ever reach out to a friend in need? Ask if they would ever befriend someone who no one wanted to befriend? They would lie and lie and lie. Ask if they tell their parents everything about their lives outside of home? Ask if they ever really cared?

How did it come to this? Yesterday we were all so close and everything was perfect. Today they are distant and foreign. They're so close to me- just a few feet away… but I can't stand the sight of them and they've never been further away. My circle of friends has deteriorated into nothing. How could they just leave me like this? How could they be so treacherous? Henry had been the friend who would never betray me, who would always faithfully be at my side. Now he is the friend who betrayed me, left my side and who stole the object of my heart- Jeri.

And what about her? Jeri had been my longest and most loyal friend. I loved her and never wanted to let her go. Now she is a lost and gone friend. I can't stand the sight of her and we don't even speak. But she's not the only girl who is leaving my life.

Rika had been the princess in my life. So warm and yet so untouchable. I could laugh with her. I could smile with her, and I can't help but feel our relationship was all the better because of its awkward start and the coolness with which she used to act towards Henry and me. Now she is virtually nonexistent in my life. Now she is the one person I can't look at without wanting to beg her to be my friend again… to come back into my life. But… she hates me. She said I was cruel, right? It's been almost 2 months since our fight and we haven't said a word since. It's starting to hurt. I really want her back, but how can I get her back? I was the one that was so unkind- she told me the truth and I didn't want to hear it! And in turn I was vicious and she told me so! What was it she said about me, again? I have to be the hero… something about feeling entitled… she said she hated me… she said I was cruel… and then I said that thing about her Dad and she slapped me.

She was… so right. About everything. The hero… I was so busy trying to lead my friends… to be the ideal leader and friend at the same time… I can never be both. I can only be one or the other. The entitlement… I felt so entitled to Jeri… and Henry ignored it… he knew I wasn't entitled to anything. But I just… I deserved her… after everything I did for her… after everything I felt for her… Rika… Rika… she was so right and I just… I never knew. I was vicious and cruel and just awful… now… she hates me. What… what have I become? I would never say such a horrible thing… if I could only… just for a moment… take it back… do it over… maybe then she wouldn't shove me away… and embrace Ryo… that bastard… he took my best friend away from me. Henry and Rika… my friends… now… it's like they've just disappeared… it's almost as if

_**BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG**_

they just faded to black… or maybe… maybe like in that dream… they just turned their backs on me before they knew how much I wanted them… how much I needed them… and simply disappeared into the nothing. Maybe that is how this came to be…

I suppose school is out again. I stand up slowly and grab at my jeans before they can fall down. It's the strangest thing- in the last month or so it's like all of my clothes got bigger or something? I still wear the same stuff, but none of them really fit any more. My jeans look baggy now because they're too big, to the point where I have to move my belt buckle along another hole. I really don't know how to explain it, but I'm not really worried about it; I like my clothes baggy anyway so it's cool.

I pack up all of the books I need for the weekend… which aren't many. Not too much homework this week… not too much work at all. Nothing to distract me from myself. It's quite bothersome… knowing already how the whole weekend is going to be spent… alone in my room, no one to talk to, no one to look at, no one to laugh with. Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to be alone? Why can't I enjoy my life with… with… with the others…

I file into the usual Friday afternoon traffic and slowly begin to try and whined my way around them all… all the awkward people. They gross and enchant me at the same moment. They annoy and entertain me and they make me smile only to make me grow fierce with rage. They are the awkward people that surround me. They are everywhere, on every side of me… and I can't stand them… and yet, at the same time, I feel attached to them. They complete me. All things in nature and in the world in general seek completeness… all things wish to be whole. That's why opposites attract… because if a positive is void of a negative, it seeks and out and finds that negative to complete it and give it a certain wholeness that it otherwise does not have. A cause seeks out an effect in response to what created the cause. The light seeks darkness to overtake the world for a period of time. The seasons change to adjust for the planetary life. The villain creates a world that needs a hero. Wants find desire. The yin and the yang. The awkward people and myself.

I am the only normal one amongst them all and so they both attract and repel me. It is just how the world works. I look around at them and see girls who are unnecessarily skinny because they suffer from anxiety which they project out as eating disorders. I see kids who have no life outside of school who because they are shy, bashful or depressing to be around which is projected out as being antisocial. I see 'cool guys' who are pretentious and overly self-confident because they are entirely self-centered which they project out as cockiness. I see right through all of these people. I look at them and I just know.

I fish my way through the crowd and reach the entrance finally. As I head down the stairs I can't help but feel as if I might as well not exist in that school. I go, I do whatever I'm told and I get out. I'm just a number. Simply sifting through the static. Yeah… that's exactly it. '_Simply sifting through the static_.' I don't think I could put it any better.

"Hey Takato." A distant voice says to me.

I look up and someone stands before me. They are tall and built, but they almost seem lanky. He protrudes a warm aura but to me it feels cold. When I stare at him, his outline blocs out everything else. He seems imposing but friendly. I feel as if he could hold the keys to the future of the world in his pocket, but would never dare disturb it. As if he holds the key to my future… but wants no part of it. He has short brown hair… bright brown eyes… fair dark skin… it's him… one of them… of the others. "Henry… hey."

We stare at one another for a few long awkward moments. I feel like this is the first time we've seen one another in a very long time. He seems brand new to me; fresh and pristine, so calm and unsettled, the smile plastered to his face, ready for action poses and unthinking movement. He seems just like that- out of this world to a great extent, untouchable because he holds the key. But the key to what I still am not sure. "So… what's up?" he asks me.

I stare emptily at him. Why does he care? Since when does he give a fuck? Since when does my life matter to him? He's wanted no part of me since the beginning of the year, and yet, all of a sudden he cares? No… he doesn't really care. He wants to talk. Perhaps make amends for the sins he has brought against me? He turned his back on me and now he's come crawling back… strangely I want to hug him and tell him it's all alright. That I forgive him. That it's all fine so long as we are still friends. I just… I want it all to be the same again… I want everything to be so happy as it was in that summer air… I don't want the autumn leaves. I want the happiness. I want the joy. I want… I want to smile again. But… I am compelled to not do any of this. He hurt me. They hurt me. They did this… the others. "Not…much."

"Nice. So, how've ya been?" He says unflinchingly.

I want to throttle him. How dare he be so cool and calm? How could he be so righteous as to think that absolutely nothing is wrong and we have no broken bonds between us? I just… I hate him right now. Once again I find myself swiftly jumping to extremes of how I feel for him. I just… I want him to be sorry. I want him to feel bad for how he treated me. I want him to realize on his own what he has done to me… but I can't wait for him without feeling like I'm gonna explode. "Umm… well, not much. Just tryna get by in class, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course." He says, smiling.

Smiling! Just standing there without a care in the world! As if nothing has changed, as if it's all the same! As if he is completely unawares that I am feigning for his attention. As if he is completely unawares that I can't stand looking at him. As if he has no idea that I want to hug him. As if he has no idea that I want to thrash him. As if he wants to be friends. As if he wanted to be dead. "And… how's about… yourself?" I say reluctantly.

"Not much, pretty much the same..." He says and pauses before going on, "But umm, Jeri and I were wondering if you would want to umm come hang out with us later today?"

They... they want me to… to hang out? Today? The others _want_ me?! Do they really miss me? Is this there way of saying sorry? By indirectly reeling me back into their circle of friendship? With no apology? And no remorse for how I was treated? With complete disregard for my thoughts or feelings? They just want me to move on and pretend like none of it ever happened, like they already have? They want me to forget about it, which I don't know if I could ever do? But on the other hand… they _want_ me, again. I would give anything to be with them again… to call them friends… I want to forgive them… but they don't want to be forgiven. How do I forgive those who don't want to be forgiven? Who only continue to shame me and make my life that much worse? How can they simultaneously _want_ me… but not want _me_? If they wanted _me_ then they would apologize and ask to be friends again… but no… they just _want_ me… they want the cardboard cut out of me… they like what I stand for… their long time friend whom they used to consider the leader of their group… they don't like _me_… they like the _idea_ of _me_. They want me to forget about it all and forgive them… but I cannot forget… I will never forget… and I cannot forgive what I cannot forget.

"Tonight? I… can't… I have… work and stuff." I say slow and dull, as if I am already dead.

The smile is wiped clear off his face and replaced with a mixed look of being upset and unbelieving. I do not know what he expects. If only he knew the inner-workings of my mind. If only…, "Oh… okay. Umm… well I guess, if you get any of it done or if you just want a break… umm, Jeri and I are meeting Rika, Ryo, Kazu and Kenta at Old Jenkins' Lake around 6-ish. We're gonna help him set up the store for the coming winter, ya know? He always asked anybody who can help to swing around on the first and second weekends in December to prepare the store and lake. Umm… so yeah… if you want to…"

I begin to walk past him and try and block out his voice because I know how the conversation will end. I wait a few seconds until the sound emanating from his faceless mouth stops and then I call out, "Yeah… if I can…"

I walked away from that member of the others… and tried to wipe the encounter from my memory. That was… so odd. So strange. So invading and gut wrenching and yet… I felt close to him. So close I could almost feel him… but no… instead his aura was cold and he again felt distant. But… he still wanted me… they wanted me… the others wanted _me_… but no… they _wanted_ me. Not me, but the very idea of me, down to its very core, breaking down to the thoughts of what I am and what I stand for. The very fabric of my makeup was all that they sought, not my essence and my being. They are better to look for someone else to stand in for the person that they once knew. Because I am not that person… not anymore.

I walked the rest of the way home feeling that I had blissfully dismissed their misguided attempts to try and indirectly rope me back into their circle of hell. I refuse to be part of that symbolic retribution… no more. I push my way through the back door, unconcerned with what sort of work and stuff that I have due for Monday. Just a little while ago I felt burdened by not having anything to keep me busy, and now, after my defiant defeat of the others, I feel overjoyed at having nothing to keep me busy. I immediately head up the stairs and drop off my book bag in my room.

I head straight for the computer, and boost it up. Mom and Dad are busy working the bakery down stairs, so I'm sure they won't notice if I use the computer for a little while. I fire up some video games and start playing, blasting away the brains of several hundred alien guts and stuff. I love these games, they're always time consuming, but at the same time they're totally worth it! It's a classic RPG, and, of course, I always name the main character after myself. I have a bunch of em, but this is prolly my favorite, because once you beat it once it let's you start from the beginning with all of the same stats and abilities and guns and stuff from the first time. There's also a little timer thing that tells you how long you spend playing that time, so I always try and break my previous record. But… but the clock slips away and I forget what my entire objective was in all when I started in the first place.

I don't remember what I was really planning when I sat down… perhaps to only play for a little bit and then do some homework. Or to just play all day… or something… but I find myself still sitting at the computer playing video games a few hours later… what… what did I do? I find myself bored with the game but unable to draw myself away. I feel like I've wasted away my day… wasted away my time… wasted away…

Like myself… I wasted my day away just like I am wasting away. Of course I know that I personally am wasting away… I've always felt that way; since my birth I have been wasting away until the day I die and nothing will matter anymore. However… I am wasting away in a different sense. I am just… nothing. I have done and consist of nothing. I have had no purpose and no objectives and nothing to be excited about for so long. I am very much wasting away. Where is my fun? Where is my joy? I can't even smile anymore… I am purposeless. I am dead, already. I… am wasting away in my heart as well. I will some day die and be sent to the dirt. But I am on a much quicker path to being dead to the world… I… I… I am wasting away…

I close out of the game quickly. Well… what now? I look outside and… and it's pitch dark. I look around the room… looking for anything to give me a sign of life. Something to make me feel alive… something…

I open up my instant messaging on the computer… it loads up slowly and I get impatient very quickly… I can almost sense the people waiting for me… it loads up everything…

No one is waiting. I see about 3 of 5 names in my "BEST BUDS" category are online… and all of them are "BUSY." I click on the first, "CardQueen418" and it reads;  
"Out with Ryo 3 Helpin set ^ Ol' Jenkins Lake!!!!!!"

I frown. 'So… she's out with Ryo… and at Old Jenkins' Lake? Oh… that's right. It's the first weekend in December… he always asks kids to come by and help set up the store and stuff before the actual season starts.

Disregarding this, I move onto the next name, "LionzHeart23AngelzFace6" and it reads; "

"And I don't want the world to see me  
Because I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's meant to be broken/  
I just want you to know who I am"  
—Iris, Goo Good Dolls.  
Out with Henry. Settin up at The Lake. =]"

Wait… she's at the lake too… urgh, I mean… they're at the lake too? So… everyone went to the lake… and no one bothered to tell me? What the fuck?! What am I to them? I understand that they're mad at me right now… but this… this is so low! I feel… I just… I feel so removed. I feel so cut off. They really don't want any part in me anymore… I guess it's true… they just… they see in me some horrible things that I never saw before…

_"…Fuck off, Takato. You are exactly what you just said…"_

Rika! Her voice… it rings in my mind… so fresh and wet… so clean cut and clear… she was… so right… I am exactly what I said about Ryo. I have to be the hero… I think I'm so much better than I really am… I'm an asshole… I feel entitled to everything… I treat everyone as if they're lower than me… I hate people before I even get to know them… I judge so easily… I just… I'm awful…

_"You know what you are, Takato?" She says viciously. "You are an awful human being. You are truly horrible. I really don't know why I was ever friends with you… just… don't talk to me, ever again. I hate you!" she yells coldly._

She… she hated me. I realize I'm staring down at the ground and a few tears well up… how… how could I be so heartless?! How could I be such a terrible person? How could I treat her… that way? How could I?

I feel a sudden shuffling of organs. My stomach churns with distaste. I stand up and run to the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat and vomit. The grotesque mess is hideous. God… where did that even come from? I guess I haven't eaten anything since I got home… well… actually… when was the last time I did eat anything? I flush the toilet, turn around and start to ponder. I didn't have an after school snack… I didn't eat lunch at school because I forgot to pack it… I was running late this morning so I didn't have breakfast either…last night Mom and Dad had to work on some taxes stuff so I didn't eat anything then… I skipped the after school snack again yesterday… I was too busy doing homework to eat lunch… I didn't have breakfast… Oh my God… the last time I ate was dinner on Wednesday night… what the fuck is wrong with me?!

I go to the sink and wash my hands. The cold water rushes over my hands and sends goose bumps up and down my arms. I finish washing my hands and rub them through the towel near by, and then look up to a stranger. I stare at my reflection in the mirror… who is that? The image of a boy with dark brown hair stares back at me. He has heavy dark circles around his eyes, his dark hair is a wild forest. His eyes are blue… but they show no emotion… and appear pale. His skin is discolored and his cheeks are sunken into the skull. He looks like a skeleton… who… who the hell is this person? I raise my fist to eye level and lightly punch the image of stranger in the face… and realize that it's me. There he is… that complete oddity is… me. This grotesque mess… is me?

I stare for a long few moments… which turn into seconds… which may waste away into minutes… I just keep staring at this… this… me. He is no stranger… he is me. I am me. I show no remorse to myself for looking the way I do. I don't know who I am anymore. I really don't…

I open the door to the bathroom without taking my eyes away from me… I feel a need to blast this stranger before exiting… to damn him before myself before I leave and not return until later… when it may be too late… I open my mouth, but no words come out…

'_I hate you_' I mouth… to myself.

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A/N: WOW! I loved that chapter. Honestly, probably the best chapter I've ever written for anything. So much going on, so much happening and yet… nothing is happening. Takato is slipping further and further away from his friends. I appreciate everyone who is commenting and saying that it's confusing sometimes to read. That is what I'm going for. You are literally inside Takato's mind, so when he is confused, then you should be confused too. Well, like I said, keep track of the timeline because it's spaced out over a good period of time. Oh, and one more thing: No, I did not forget that Henry invited him to go the lake after school. Takato forgot. That entire encounter with Henery was wiped away from his memory. He simply forgot. On top of that I should mention; All that stuff with what Rika is "saying." That's not me screwing up, that's Takato forgetting what was said. He's starting to fill in the blanks of his memory with things that Rika neither said nor probably felt. He is simply putting words in her mouth because he feels that it was how she truly felt but didn't say. That's why the timeline is so important; it's been a whole 2 months since that fight… of course he's forgotten what she said, word-for-word. Anyway, I hope you all liked this chapter and PLEASE REVIEW. IT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. Alright, that's all! Okay, peace!

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

_Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world __**burn**__._  
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	6. Winter Air

A/N: I guess I got my swagger back? Enjoy. Love and be loved. Read… and review!

* * *

Winter Air

Bright, beautiful, omnipotent white. Darkness is extinguished by the light. All of the cobwebs of the past few hours are gone. It feels like a fresh start. It feels like a chance to do everything all over again. It feels like the joy is back. It feels like things are making sense again. It all comes back to me. It all makes sense. It all comes together. It gets so beautiful and yet so harsh. It is too great for mine own eyes. I cannot stare directly into it because it is unbearable. I am not worthy. It all becomes clear… in the blink of an eye.

I open my eyes to the world around me and look straight into the eyes of chaos. Chaos, yeah, that pretty much describes my room. Clothes lay on the ground, just about everywhere, a coffee cup with residue of hot chocolate sits on my desktop, and a picture-less picture frame is staring right at me. Mom got it for me last Sunday so I could put pictures of me and my friends in it… but… I just couldn't think of anyone… so I left it untouched on my desk, good as new. The black background of the wooden frame stares at me from across the room and sends a bit of a quiver down my spine… but I kinda like it. I draw the blanket in closer to my body and pull my knees into my stomach and start looking for something else to look at. The cold air breathes down my neck and so I shut my eyes and pull tighter. So… so cold. '_Just like me._'

That voice… I've heard it before. It's not the first time it's spoken to me… not the first time it's attacked me. I've heard it before, and it has been just as vicious as it was just now. I just… I never really thought about it before. But he's always been there. He's always reminded me when I screw up. He's unkind and unfair, but he's always right. Invariably, he is always right. When I do or say something that is wrong or mean or hurtful, he lets me know. He's just… he's just there. He scares me sometimes… tells me to do things… tells me how to think or act or feel… and I just don't want to… I know that it's wrong… but I know that he's right… but right now he's just reminding me of something I already know… that I'm so cold… but I really don't want to be… I do want to go back to being happy… what I would give to have Rika take it back… take it all back and take me back into her arms… to have her smile upon me again with kindness and joy… I want to be kind and open and warm…

Warm. Ahhhh, how nice that would be. I thrust the blankets off of me and venture out into the cold winter air. I sit up in bed and reach for my black sweat pants and pull them over my grey shorts. I jump out of bed, go over to my dresser drawer and pull out a long sleeve, blood red shirt and pull it on. I shove the cabinet closed and open another one near by, pulling out a violet t-shirt and put it on. I stand up and prepare to leave the room. Time to face the cold, vicious world.

As I step into the bitter upstairs hallway I feel my body grow colder with the winter air intruding through my clothes and tightly wrapping itself around my body. I look across the hallway and see the door of my parent's bedroom slightly ajar, which means that they're up already. I take a few steps down the stairs and the floor of this old building creaks with every step. Sometimes I really despise this place. I love my parents, I truly do, but their decisions don't exactly fit the perfect background for me. This place where I live… it is no home. It's not even a house. It's a building. I live in a building. That's all. How many people get to say that about their childhood? While the others are growing up in homes and such, I am stuck inside of a building. A building built in search of servicing others. There is no freedom in this place, just a sense of being that is subjected to the wants and needs of others. The others. Ah-ha. There it is again. The _wants_ of others. No personal experience of self celebration. No, rather, I am stuck being the object of the others desires, not their affection. I am an object of lust, not love. I am an object. I am an object.

I reach the bottom of the stairs and have a couple of paths to choose from. I could move onward into the store part of the building but I hear no commotion coming from there. Are we closed? We're closed on Sundays, but it's not Sunday. I turn my head instead and look directly into the bakery. No sign of life? I turn to the final possible path, taking a peak into the kitchen and there I find my parents. Once again I feel the cold air wrap itself around me like a Christmas gift and the hairs on my arms stand up. I walk gingerly into the kitchen, almost as if the cold has injured me in some way. Dad picks his eyes up from reading the paper and Mom looks over at me from the stove, busy making eggs. "Good morning, Takato. How'd you sleep?"

How does she think I slept? "Fine…" I respond with no real emotion in my voice.

"Would you like some eggs, dear?" she asks sincerely.

My initial reaction is to hiss 'No' at her, but I know that won't be received very well. "Umm… sure." I say, again emotionless.

"Okay, you can have this batch. It'll be ready in a sec." She says.

I take a seat across from Dad and stare at the back page of the newspaper. The stories are about as interesting as watching leaves fall or grass grow. They read off, "Mother Killed Giving Birth," "Snow On the Way," and "Teen Girl Commits Suicide."

The last of the stories intrigues me. I wonder what happened? I squint my eyes to try and read the tiny print and discover what happened and why she did it… 'A teens life was cut short yesterday, all in blame to

"Takato, here you go! They're ready!" Mom exclaims.

I turn my head away to face her and see her holding out a plate-full of bright yellow eggs for me. I push the thought of the dead girl from my mind and go to retrieve my breakfast. I sit back down and throw salt and pepper on them… but I'm not all that hungry now. I push the food around for a few seconds, then put a couple forkfuls into my mouth… but they go down painstakingly. I look around for any exit from having to continue eating. But where do I go when I'm the one who sat down? I stop eating and in a minute or so Mom sits down with a plate for herself. She begins to eat and my Dad just keeps reading… its quiet… so quiet… its murder! The silence speaks volumes for what is between the three of us. They have no idea of what is happening in my life. They don't know what's going on. If only I could give them the insight… but they'd never forgive me. Losing all of my closest friends… what loser son does that? And by pushing them away it shows the lack of character I have… or at least that's the way they'd see it. They have no idea how hard this is for me… to have nothing… to have no one… this isn't easy! Do they think I _like_ this? Is that what they think? It's not like I'm asking for this! It's not like I was hoping for this from the very beginning! They don't even know me! This silence… it speaks such volumes. The truth comes shining through the empty air. It punctures the brain and tells it exactly what is really happening. If they only knew… if they only knew! Maybe… maybe they could help me? Maybe they could make things better? Maybe they could point me in the right direction… but they would never understand. How could they? They don't know what its like to be me.

Mom goes about her merry business, eating happily, without a care in the world. Dad reads the paper solemnly, uncaring for the rest of the world. God, they are infuriating! Say something! Say anything! Tell me what to do! Please! "So, are you excited for the snow, Takato?" Dad says nonchalantly.

Snow… "What… snow?" I ask him, confused.

Mom shoots me a surprised look. "Why do you think we're not open?"

Why aren't we open? I look to the nearest window and sure enough the pane is white with snow. It is light but it is there. I stand up and move to the window, looking out the window, dazed and confused. It's… snowing. Wow. The white downpour seems almost invading to me…. Not only is it covering the ground, but it is also overshadowing the grey world with a bright shade of something else. This is so strange. I don't like it but it seems so inviting, then again, so are all things that are bad for you. I turn from staring out the window to my parents and my Mom is just staring at me… smiling. Why must all those who infuriate me smile at my seething hatred? I need… I need to get out of this damn house… but how, when it is snowing like this? What could I possibly do? What is there to…

The lake! Of course! It's only the second weekend into December, so he's still looking for people to help out if they can! "Umm… I think I'm gonna go swing by Old Jenkin's Lake… to help set up…" I announce to the room.

Dad pulls back the newspaper and finally reveals his face to me. Lines riddle his face, signifying years of knowledge and hard work. His glasses give off a certain sheen that awes me for a moment. He opens his mouth and I await his instructions, "In this weather?" he starts and pauses. "You better be bundled up real good and be extra careful on your way there **and back**."

I nod my head, my mouth hanging open. My Mom's blonde hair whips around as she goes back to eating her breakfast, "Extra careful is right." she calls out just before going back to work.

I turn tails and head back up the stairs to put on more protected clothes. I hustle into my closet and dig out a pair of boots for the weather, an extra pair of socks to pull over the ones I'm already wearing, big floppy overalls, a sweatshirt and a jacket to wear, gloves and a ski cap. I load it all up into my arms and slowly carry it all into the bathroom. I drop everything off on the floor and close the door behind me. I stand up straight but then dodge the mirror. The fear of facing myself is far too much to handle. I can't even look at myself anymore without feeling a monster well up inside of me, ready to vehemently attack. I sit on the floor and pull on the new pair of socks. Next, I stand up and pull the dark blue overalls over my black sweat pants. I lift up the grey sweatshirt and pull it over my dark red and violet outfit, then slip a denim jacket over the sweatshirt. I feel something rumble around in the denim pocket, so I reach inside and

"Ewww, gross." I say aloud as I pull out a half eaten lollipop out. I throw it into the trashcan and I don't know what it was doing in there or why anyone would put it there but I can't help but feel responsible. I turn the water on and wash my hands clean of the sticky whatever on them. I rub them through the towel, look up and

Those shallow blue eyes. Dark rings, darker even than they were before, surround the area around my eyes. My nose is dried out this time… all scabby and foul… my hair is still a mess. There are heavy lines within the dark circles too… about three lines under each eye. My lips are extra fat. My neck… so long and so thin. I feel sick just looking at him. His eyes… they are much worse now than they were a week ago. His skin is so pale that if it were any whiter I'd call him a ghost of the person he once was. His cheeks are still so sunken into his face that he resembles a skeleton. Involuntarily, I take a step back to get a better look at this man.

He wears a ridiculous outfit that puffs out and makes him seem more like a big, ball of black and dark blue… rather than any kind of person. Slowly he removes a denim jacket he was wearing and it reveals that his shoulders are smaller than they previously appeared. He tears off a grey sweatshirt and tosses it aside, revealing a much more real, grotesque person, with thin arms, a flat stomach and a thin torso in general. He resembles more of a skeleton now than ever before. But no… there is still more. He thrusts obscene overalls off of him and steps out of them and into the inviting warm air. He stares hatefully at me… and I stare at him in his full. His head is titled downward and his eyes appear just visible in the mirror, staring at me as if I have just killed his lover and he is ready to attack. He stays in this position for a few moments and each second that passes I feel more and more afraid that he will attack. Every moment that goes by I fear him more and more. I try and turn my eyes away… to turn away from him and look to something… anything else…

"LOOK AT ME!"

My eyes thrust back to him. His head is no longer titled. No. Now he stands up tall, a hating scowl on his face. His eyes are wide open, not even a hint of eyelids showing. His teeth show as he grits them at me. I… I don't want to look at him… but I can't tear my eyes away.

"Look… at… me." He slowly commands.

His chest begins to rise and sink with each loud breath he takes. I… hate him. And he hates me. Suddenly he brings his hand to his cheek, almost as if he's slapped himself. His pinky lies above his lips but below his nose… his ring finger crosses over the bridge of his nose and blocks off vision from one of his eyes… his other three fingers sit barely separated on his face, completely blocking the view of his other eye… slowly he begins to drag his hand down the side of his face, forcefully rubbing it… he moves his hand down his face until his ring finger inadvertently begins to pull his lower lip down… the rest of this hand slowly moves into position… around his neck… he bring his entire hand into a stranglehold around his neck… he wants me dead… he wants…

Suddenly something goes off in my mind. What… what am I doing? I blink a few times but my reflection is still the same… I stand in the bathroom, back down to my original outfit with my hand clasped firmly around my neck. I let go and take a few deep breaths. What… what just happened? Who… was that person? That… that couldn't have been me… could it? I… I need to get the hell out of here. I… I can't look at myself anymore… I just… I just can't!

I quickly thrust all of the clothes back onto myself, putting the boots on last and then run out of the bathroom as quickly as I can. I thunder down the stairs and out the back door before I can catch a glimpse of myself in anything or see my parents again. I don't want them to see me… not after what just happened… I don't want them to know… I don't want them to hate me…

* * *

It takes plenty of time, but I traverse the route to Old Jenkins' Lake fairly quickly. I climb the hill that I once raced down against Rika. What was I really thinking that day? Where did that even come from? What was I thinking? What was…

No! I shove the thoughts from my mind as I move slowly over to the lake, each step a little heavier than the last. The lake is well known throughout the city, but it's more famous to the locals than anyone else. People love to come here for whatever reason; to relax, to skate, to have fun or just to be alone. Depending on the time that you arrive this place can either be packed or it can be empty. There isn't much known about Old Jenkins himself though. A lot of rumors fly around about him, but no one is really sure what is actually true. I personally have never met him before but I most certainly would like to. His autonomy is so secretive that it's interesting and even borders on fascinating. For the most part you could call him some creep who transforms this simple lake into a magical place every winter, and it is quite the magical place to be indeed. There have actually been marriage proposals on sight before, people claim to have had their first kisses there and new friends are found almost all the time. It's very nearly impossible to go to the lake and leave unhappy.

What the secret behind it all is, however, is the warm heartedness of the man behind the lake. Mr. Jenkins may be very mysterious but he preaches all of the good ways in life; he invites teens to come set up his shop that is outside of the store; which is a small building that bears the spring, summer and fall until, during the winter, he sells ice skates for anyone who needs them. It's not a big building, but it's also not all that small. The ice, somehow, has never given way for anyone to fall through… not in any of the number of years that it's been around, which goes back to further than anyone is certain.

I close in on the front door of the store, which is sealed shut. I walk up to it, turn the handle and… locked? Hmmm. I let go of the handle. Strange, it's still the second weekend, so it should still be open for help. Maybe I should try the back door? I walk around the side of the building, a good fifteen feet or so, turn the corner and as I arrive at the back door I find a note taped on all four sides to the door. It reads;

_**"And said: Thus Far shall you come but no farther,  
And here shall your proud waves be stilled"  
—Job 38:11**_

_**Thanks to all for coming out and helping set up the shop!  
Skating begins on the 22nd**_

I… I'm too late. I came all the way out here… and I am too late. I go to looking at the snow that surrounds my feet. I begin to walk away, unsure of exactly where I'm going to go. I was… so ready to help. I was so prepared to make something of this day, and now I have nothing. I am stuck outside in the freezing cold air with no purpose and no reason. I wasted my time… wasted… I have wasted away once again…

I feel dryness well up inside of my throat. I really just don't know what to do… all that trouble to get here… all the trouble I went through just so I could get here and make something of myself, and now I can do nothing but read… read a sign posted to expel the need for anyone even like me… no need at all… I'm not needed… I…

_'You're worthless!'_

Worthless… yes… that fits quite adequately. I am worthless. I really… never do anything right, do I? Everyone has left me… no one cares about me anymore… not Henry… not Jeri… especially not Rika… not my parents… not even… not even I care anymore. So what if I wasted my time coming here? That's what I do best, right? Waste away. Just like you! You always waste your time and other people's time! You always do this bullshit! What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus Christ, you make me sick. Damn it Takato, get your shit together! Oh that's right, you can't because you're too busy wasting away! You fucking loser. _**I hate you**_! I really do. You are a horrible person. Look what you've done to your friends? Henry and Jeri and Rika… all of them… gone! But… I tried so hard to get them… no… no I really didn't… I just let them go… just watched them turn their back on me and walk away, forever into the darkness… the others… that's all they are to me anymore… just the others… lost and gone forever… you fucking...

"Damn it… what the fuck is wrong with me?" I say aloud, finally speaking out against… myself?

I look up briefly and see a snow covered wooden bench overlooking the entire lake. I try to wipe some of the snow off, but barely get any off before I sit down and go back to staring at the ground. What… what's wrong with me? Why am I being so harsh? Why am I beating myself up like this? I suppose I deserve some of it… but… where is this coming from? I don't… I don't hate myself… I… I love myself… I know I do… at least… I think I do. So, why am I doing this to myself? Why

"Hello there, stranger." The distant voice says, piercing my thoughts.

I look up into the strange whitened air. The bright blue sky and white snow background burn my eyes for a few seconds, as if I have just looked directly into the sun. I close my eyes once more and the darkness of closed eyes is equally as troubling. I try once more to open my eyes to the world around me and the figure of a person comes into focus. Slowly but steadily the facets of this person become sharper and clearer. They come into focus little by little until I begin to make out the person… slender… medium height… a girl… she stares down at me through her brown eyes… a smirk on her face… but a halfhearted smirk at that… as if she knows… she is one of them… one of the others… "Mind if I have a seat?"

"Jeri… umm… sure." I say, bewildered at her sudden appearance but a mixture of joy and uncertainty sweeps over me. I am happy to see her again… but I want to hate her for everything that has happened between us…

She takes her time wiping the bench clear of snow… she is so slow in her approach… so patient… so cautious… so methodical… so infuriating. The snow comes down slowly around her and she shines against it like an angel. It pours out slowly around her, almost as if it was salt being slowly thrown onto the world. She leans over the bench but she stands tall and strong. Her fair skin is complimented by her clothing; she wears a light pink sweater that covers the entirety of her torso, light brown sweat pants that cover from her waist to the tips of her sky blue boots. Something about her is just so vibrant and so alive while set against the backdrop of the falling snow. She seems so real to me, yet I know her as so fake. I feel more self-assured with her around, but at the same time a green eyed monster is beating inside of me, clawing at my insides to attack her in some way and make her go away. But I can't do it… and I won't do it. She finishes clearing it all off and takes a seat next to me.

We both stare out onto the frozen lake. I wonder how this little lake can support so many people, year, after year, after year, after year? I suppose that's just part of the magic behind the lake. The icy surface gleams bright white and blue, reflecting the snow and sky back off of it. There… there's just something mystical about it. It is enchanting and enthralling but just the way it is disturbs me a bit. How could this lake possibly be so strong as to hold up people and support them? How does that happen? How does something so beautiful have so much strength? Rika and Jeri… they too are beautiful but they have no true strength behind them. They are just humans. They can be destroyed or locked away and will someday pass from this world… they have their own strengths, but they are not strong. Henry too… he is beautiful, but he is just a man. He is not immortal. Someday he will diminish and leave this world… but this lake will remain and every fourth season it will provide the same support for people everywhere. This lake is so strong and beautiful… so mystical…

"So, tell me, Takato, how have you been?" the other asks me.

I don't want to take my eyes away from the lake, but I do with some effort and steal a glance at her. She sits back on the bench, legs crossed, hands in lap, looking over at me as I lean forward off the bench, my elbows sitting comfortably on my knees, my right hand in a fist which my left hands wraps around. What do I say to her? Do I tell her what she wants to hear; that all has been well? Or do I tell her the truth; that I don't really know what's happening to me right now. That I feel abandoned by everyone and left for nothing. Left by everyone who ever mattered in my life. Left to fight against something I really don't completely understand nor like. What do I tell her? What do I say? "Umm… things have been… okay."

She cocks her head to the side and stares at me oddly, because she can sense something about what I've just said. It's almost as if she can smell my uncertainty and wants to sniff it out. "Well, what does 'okay' mean?"

Do I lie? Do I tell her how I feel? There just seems something so put offing about telling her that I hate her and everyone else for abandoning me. I just… I don't know where to go or what to say. "Well… things have been… just okay. Nothing real good to say, ya know? The usual." I respond.

"So things have been bad, then?" She responds, having caught the dangerous ambiguity in what I said. Again… do I lie?

"Well… I mean, there's just nothing to say, ya know? The usual stuff." I say, determined to neither lie nor tell her the truth.

"Takato, what is the 'usual stuff'? Really?" She asks, forcing the issue because she can sniff out my uncertainty and wants to chase it down.

I pause for a few seconds, trying once again to discover a solution to her problem that is neither completely wrong nor completely right. "Just been trying to get by in school. Just trying to get to Christmas break. Trying to get by, ya know?" I say dully.

"No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" she says calmly.

I stare into the dark brown in her eyes and try and read what it is that she wants. What the fuck do I have to say to shut her up? What will make her stop pestering me? I feel like she's just fooling me and making me say things that she knows she can manipulate and turn around and force out my thoughts. I don't want to share with her… but I want to. I… I want to grab her hand in mine and squeeze it tight and know that we are still friends and things are going to be okay. I want everything to be good again… I feel a sudden urge to cry out my fears to her and tell her everything that's been going on with me… that I really don't know what's been happening to me? "I just… I've been…"

I stop and when I don't say anything she definitely takes notice. She leans forward also and tries to look me in the eye, but I turn my head and look at the snow now on the ground. I don't want to look her in the eyes right now… I feel almost guilty at my disdain for her and for everyone else… "Please talk to me, Takato…"

I can't stop myself now. I turn to her and almost yell, "Why? Why should I talk to you? You come of out nowhere and start asking me all these questions!"

She stares at me a little surprised, but not altogether jarred. "I'm sorry… I didn't know it would bother you this much…"

"Of course it does! You sit there all smug and think you can just play on my words and try and get me to say things I don't want to say." I say as cold as the snow.

"I just… want to know what's going on in your life." She says slowly

"Why? Why do you suddenly care? You haven't talked to me in forever, now suddenly you care?" I say impassioned at her.

She closes her eyes, as if that may soften the blows I am throwing at her, "I just want to know what what's going on in your life."

I stare at her, bewildered and unsure of what to say now. I peel my eyes away from her and stare back out to the lake. A silence falls between us as I am unsure just of what to do or what to say. There seems to be an emptiness of emotion; the silence screams the truth of the nothingness between us, but at the same time, I don't seem to mind it all that much… a little quiet every now and then… makes things alright… but right now everything is NOT alright…

"It was Henry…" she says quite suddenly.

I look over to her, a bit confused, and my eyes implore her to go on, "He was really worried about you… so he wanted me to check up on you… told me that when he talked to you last Friday you acted really strange…"

Of course… Henry… he must have seen something in me… something that spoke to him… something that scratched at his soul and wouldn't let him get away with watching me slip through the crack into oblivion… he felt guilty… he felt sorry for me… I would feel sorry for me too…

"He thought I could help you out more than anyone else." She confesses to me.

My eyes track her down quite quickly from staring at the snow. What did she mean by that? "What… do you mean?"

"I'm not sure… he felt like there was something I could help you with better than anyone else could…"

'_Better than anyone else could. . ._?' The words ring through my mind and echo into my memory. Why her? She is so empty … so untrue to herself and others… why would she be so perfect as to help me? Maybe because we have so much between us… maybe that's it? Maybe… but… still… "So… how did you know I was going to be here?" I asked as the thought occurs to me.

"I called your house to talk to you about all of this, and your Mom told me you were headed here. So I thought I'd meet you here… I guess…"

Something inside of me calls for.. for.. for honesty. Something claws at my stomach and tells me that I should tell her about some of how I've felt over the past few months, how I've never felt more distant from her, how I hate her and everyone else.

_NO! You can't trust her! And she'll hate you for hating her!_

I just don't know that she will! And that fear of the unknown is keeping me away. I can't just throw myself at her with a sob story. She would never understand. She could never understand. Right. Right? I look over at her now. She looks over at me so concerned. The black of her eyes is so small, that hazel brown all encompassing and begging me to dive in and swim in her warmth.

_She'll only hurt you!_ She'll only help me.

"Jeri" I say, pausing to allow the words to come to me. They flow forth like they'd always been there, "you have to listen to me. Don't interrupt me because that's only going to stop me from telling you everything."

She nods her head.

"It's just that everything has been so different. Every one's changed and everything is so different from the summer. And, to tell you the truth, it started when you and Henry started dating."

I revisit that place in my mind as I recline on the bench. My arms sit limply at my side and I stare out into the snow. My heart winces at the pain I felt when the girl sitting next to me slipped through my fingers. I needed her then, just like I need her now. I look at her sideways and frown, "It sounds really stupid, I know. I know this is going to sound ridiculous but it's the truth. I felt like I was the one that _loved _you, and he was the one _dating_ you."

"Takato."

"Please, Jeri. Please." I stop her. She looks so disconcerted. "I know it sounds ridiculous and I know we could debate what I know about love and whether what I felt for you was love or not but that is just how I felt. And then Rika with all her bullshit with Ryo and I just," now I stopped.

I felt the weight from the last two and a half months come crashing down on me. I wanted to stop the pain before it came but there was nothing I could do. I felt the warm tears welling up. I look over at Jeri and she shakes her head, "I just miss you guys."

"Takato! We haven't gone anywhere," she says reaching out and grabbing my hand. She puts it in her lap and holds it in both of hers. She rubs our hands but I can't feel her flesh, only the gloves. I can't feel her.

"But you have." I say fighting the tears off. "You guys've all left me. No one fuckin cares anymore."

"Takato, that's not—"

"I fucking hate you guys," I say ripping my hand away and standing up to face her. "And I hate it. I don't want to. I don't want to hate you guys anymore. I just want it to all go back to the way it was."

She seems crushed by this and I see the tears welling up in her eyes. "Takato, it can never go back to the way it was before."

The tears stream down her face. I stand looking down at her and there is a solemn acceptance between us. _Can never go back_. The words, I can tell already, will follow me for the rest of my life. I turn my back on her and face the lake. I can feel the tears preparing to overflow. The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "What about us?"

A strong wind comes rushing by and the snow drives in all around me. "What do you mean?"

"Do you think we can ever go back to what we were before?"

She says nothing.

I turn back to face her as she wipes a few stray tears away. "Do you think we could ever be _us_ again?"

"Of course we can, Takato. We were never not us. I've always been here for you. I swear."

I can't go on. My legs buckle and I fall to my knees. The tears come hard and fast. The warm droplets race down my icy cheeks. Snow droplets and fresh tears mix together to blur my vision. I sink down and lay my head on the freshly powdered bench. She places her hands on my head and I sob. The guilt of my hatred comes rushing to me.

_How could you ever doubt them!_

I don't know! I should have known, I should have never doubted Jeri. She would never leave me, never hurt me like this. What a fucking jerk I am! _Horrible person! _Yes! Horrible person! _Fucking terrible friend! Fuck up, all you are!_

Suddenly, I feel arms wrapping me up and lifting my lifeless body. I get dropped off on hard wooden material and I look up into the eyes of my captor. The bright beauty of it cut right through me. I am transported from the dark recesses of my mind and find myself lying on the bench looking into Jeri's hazel eyes. That… that's never happened before. I've never heard the voice while I was around others. Never had him take over while I was with someone. "Takato! What's wrong with you?"

I'm so vulnerable. Had she heard what I had heard? Did she know what I had said? Did she know what I knew? "Jeri, I'm sorry I—"

"No, Takato. I'm sorry."

I sniffled then wiped fresh tears. The snow now came down around her in slow motion. Her pasty white skin was fading into the background of the lake and landscape. I have no idea what is going on. Jeri grabs me by the shoulders and fixes me into a sitting position. She sits down next to me and I follow her movements. She crosses her legs and clasps her hands together. She closes her eyes. Her muscles relax.

Her eyes open. "I'm sorry that I didn't realize before what Henry meant when he said I could help you out more than anyone else."

I just sit there in stunned silence.

"Takato, there's something I need to tell you. Something I never shared with anyone until I told Henry a few months ago. Something you never knew about me before."

My mind began to race. All we had been through and there was something secret about Jeri? We'd been best friends since as far as I could remember. The lonely girl who was outcast by everyone and then accepted later for her individualism. We had been through everything together. Leomon's death and the D-Reaper. Everything. Everything, that is except my recent plight. And apparently what she was about to tell me. The tears dried on my face.

"Takato, do you remember what happened when my Dad tried to re-marry?"

"You hated it," I say, finding the answer in an instant.

"Yes, but did I ever tell my Dad that?" she asks.

"No, you only really told… me."

"Exactly. I internalized it, because I hated that my Dad was trying to replace my Mom."

'Internalized.' That word scares me. I'm not even sure I know what it means but I don't like it one bit. She continues, "I wanted to act out but I wouldn't, do you remember that?"

I nod. I knew all of this already.

"I wanted to blame my Dad so bad but instead, I blamed myself."

"Why? You didn't do anything."

She puts her hand on my knee but doesn't look me in the eye. Instead she stares out to the lake, "I know that, now. But back then I didn't understand. I couldn't blame my Dad for wanting to remarry and my brother was all for it. Everyone was on board except me. Then you remember how no one in school liked me?"

I nod again. "But they were all full of—"

"But you remember?" she asks.

The frown on her face is so foreboding. "_I_ liked you, Jeri."

Instead of smiling at this, she shakes her head. "I was mad at myself for letting my Dad remarry and forget the memory of my Mom. People didn't like me. I was so young, Takato. I started to question who was wrong: all of the people who didn't like me, or the one me who did like me."

I could almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it scared me. "Jeri, _I_ liked you!"

She grimaces and pulls her hand away. She shifts her body weight and uncrosses her legs. She stares out into the distance. "Takato, I…"

"You what, Jeri?" I entreat.

"Takato," she says, turning back to me. "_I _didn't even like me."

I felt as if I have just watched a mountain crumble before me.

She reaches up and puts her hands on my shoulders and we make eye contact. "I hated myself."

Like an angel denied faith I shook my head in disbelief. How is any of this happening right now? "Jeri…"

"Do you remember, Takato, back in September, when I had that scar that I wouldn't explain?"

* * *

…_She has a scar on her right forearm from an accident a couple of weeks ago that she refuses to tell me about, but it makes her veins really visible …  
_

* * *

I feel lost. I remember so clearly the mark, the frayed skin healing itself. She had come back from summer vacation with that scar. But what did that have to do with any of this?

"Takato… I did something…" she paused and I looked at her face. Fresh tears were streaming down her face. "Really terrible."

"What did you do, Jeri? What happened?"

My mind is moving at a speed I never knew it could. I can't imagine what happened? It was an accident. What had she done?

"I hurt myself, Takato." She says with a sob. She doesn't even look at me. "I cut myself. But I haven't done it again since then and I promised Henry I never would again. And that's why—"

She continues to talk but I'm in another world. She… _cut_… _herself_? She cut herself? She took something sharp to that right forearm and cut herself open. She gutted her arm on herself. Cut along a vein on her arm. Cut up herself. Cut herself. She cut herself. I try to picture a sad Jeri, defeated by the world around her that beat her down, alone in her room, the lights off, lying hopelessly on her bed wielding a blade that was playfully, slowly, teasingly running against her right forearm. But I couldn't even picture a sad Jeri.

"—know it was a mistake but, oh, Takato, I just don't know what—"

I don't know what possessed me to do it but it was what I desired most, to know the answer, "Did it hurt?"

She stops immediately and stares at me through wet eyes. "What?"

The wind has stopped. The snow falls silently. We stare at one another for a long moment. I blink and she continues to hold a contorted scowl. She could not believe what I had just said, but I ask again, "Did it hurt?"

The silence looms over us. I don't know what to say. She straightens her shoulders and wipes her cheeks once more. Her hands reach out and she takes my hands in hers. She leans in and now our faces are no more than a few inches apart. "I'm sorry I told you all of that. But you need to understand, that we are all here for you. Henry and myself, we are here for you."

Suddenly, the bright white snow all around us is gone. There is a flash of phoenix red. It whips around in front of me then dances around momentarily before disappearing. The fire red hair, the cold demeanor, the girl. Rika's face explodes like a firework into my mind. She is not here for me. She hates me. She said so herself. _"I don't know why I was ever friends with you. Never talk to me again. I hate you!" _I look back into the brown of Jeri's eyes. "What about Rika? She hates me."

Jeri rears her head back and lets go of my hands, her expression aghast. "No she doesn't!"

"She told me she didn't want to be around me anymore." I say slowly.

"When?" she fires back.

"A couple of months ago." I say, remembering the day foggily.

"What?" she asks, her brow furrowed now as she visibly racks her brain.

"Right at the end of September." I say as the memory of that day slowly comes back to me.

After a few seconds of silence there is a moment of apprehension and Jeri's entire expression changes. "Takato, can I ask you a question and get a truthful response?"

I hesitate but allow it, "Sure."

"You said earlier that you felt you loved me. How do you feel about Rika?"

Once more the blazing red hair trails through my mind. Her calm, calculated manner. Her tough girl attitude. The icy, unbreakable exterior that only I seemed able to penetrate. Ryo, he was nothing. He could not possibly see her the way I see her. She was so close to me and meant so much and he had taken her away from me. "Well… I love her too. But it's different."

She turns her head to the side, "How so?"

"I love her like a sister."

She smiles and bows her head. She suddenly pulls her sleeve up to unveil a blue, plastic watch. She looks back up at me. "Takato, if you really do love her like a sister then you should be there for her," she says as she stands up. "She's going to need you very soon."

"What does that mean?" I ask alerted.

She fixes her hair and smiles down at me, "I'm not sure, Takato. Just be there for her when she needs it."

She turns and begins to trudge back into the snow. I can't just let her leave. "Where are you going?

"Home. I told my Mom I'd back in an hour. Time's almost up."

The questions still linger for me however. I have so much to ask, so much to say and I know once this opportunity is gone I will not get another. _Can never go back_. "Why, Jeri? Why should I be there for her? She's not here for me now."

She stops a few yards away. She stands next to the beautiful old oak tree. The one I once stared at on a beautiful summer day, when everything was perfect. Before any of this happened. The wind howls behind me and blows snow at Jeri. It doesn't faze her, "She wants to be, Takato. I promise you. She wants to be."

With that, she turns around and is gone. I want to ask her so many things. So many unanswered questions but, for some strange reason, none resonates more in my mind and none are more important than, "Did it hurt?"

I, too, now turn around and make my way against the wind. Pushing against the snow and the winter air, I head home.

* * *

A/N: _"Who said I was finished, and Father Time was the blame? They disrespected my legacy and threw dirt on my name. Told authors he's over, he ain't writin' the same. What he says is irrelevant, Rukato culture has changed."_ I hope no one ever thought I had given up. Both _The Lake _and _Promise _are a huge part of me and I will never settle until both stories are completed. So here's a huge step forward in the right direction for _The Lake_. This was a humongous chapter, almost 8.5K words. To be honest I had most of it written 3 years ago but the real world got in between me and writing and what started as a small writers block culminated in an three year standoff. I had no idea where to go with this chapter but gradually I built it into a fine chapter (in my opinion). I've missed you guys, a lot. I really have. I've missed having the free time to write for fun and to just post as much as I wanted. And I'm not promising I'm back. I'm not going to say that I'm here for good. But I promise you that both _The Lake _and _Promise _will be complete in the next year. Both are fantastic stories that need conclusions, endings. Endings which I drew up many years ago and still plan on implementing. I can promise you one thing: the quality of my writing has improved exponentially. I am much more confident in my writing ability than I ever was 3 years ago. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to writing more in the future. 2012 will be the Year of Notorious P.A.T. By the way, the opening of this Author's Note is the opening to an LL Cool J song, I just changed the lyrics. No other authors have spoken ill of me (I hope?) I just wanted something bad ass to start us off with. Please review! I've missed you guys so much.

Love Always. Rukato Forever!

_Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world __**burn**__._


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